Visible to the Naked Eye

“If the doors of perception were cleansed 

every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. 

For man has closed himself up, 

till he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern.”
― William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell 

“Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child 

 -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.”

 
― Thich Nhat Hanh

 

If the truth be told, I guess I've always been a freakin' Geek.  As a youngster, I was curious about everything!  

 

I spent hours and hours observing the weather, stars, clouds, rocks, fossils, trees, bumblebees, ants, frogs, birds, squirrels, whatever.

It all fascinated me.
 

In school, when I wasn't parked in the corner (or the hallway) for not being able to sit still and keep my mouth shut, I loved learning just for the sake of learning.  Although this meant that I had my nose in a book a lot of the time, I also was quite "hands on."  I loved to do natural science.  I explored. I collected. I identified. I classified.  

 

I also loved to explore man-made things.  After a few missteps, I quickly learned to choose my battles wisely.  I promised I would only take apart certain "approved" items to see what made them tick.  Sometimes, I was even able to "fix them" and/or successfully put them back together. 

 

One morning, I found a broken box camera in the alley.  I immediately took it home and disassembled it.  I soon noticed that everything appeared to be upside down when I peered through one of the lenses.   

 

WTF?  

 

Moments later, I discovered the world righted itself and things were bigger when I lined up two of the lenses I had removed. Within a half an hour, I had made a simple telescope. That night, I charted the position of the bright star that appeared outside my bedroom window.  The next day my teacher told me that this particular orb was actually the planet Jupiter! He then showed me a drawing of the entire solar system! I went home, an aspiring astronomer.  I gazed at the moon through my telescope, and kept track of Jupiter's change in position each night in my notebook-- until a new project appeared to capture my attention.  

 

Yet, although I was rewarded with acknowledgment and a few gold stars for such things, I soon learned that another arena of curiosity and exploration wasn't going to be welcomed at all.  I had many experiences that brimmed with a sense of mystery and magic.  Yet, these early perceptions of the spiritual dimension of life were consistently ignored, avoided, -- or squashed.  The adults in my life didn't seem to have a clue.

That should come as no surprise.  

 

Like most of you who may be reading this, I grew up in a culture immersed for centuries in a civilization steeped in scientific materialism.  In a society supercharged by a capitalist economy laced with white supremacy, and a distorted and limited form of Christianity, the spiritual dimension of life is generally distrusted, feared, or dismissed as superstition.  It was presented as either a scary movie realm of ghosts and demons -- or a "heavenly realm" that can only be experienced after death.  To make matters worse, this heaven was said to be an exclusive, "members only" destination.  It was only available to those who believe in a set of certain specific things about the life and death of Jesus of Nazareth.  

 

If, like the vast majority of human beings throughout the history of our species, a person believed differently, they were promised an eternity of extreme, torturous, cruelty and suffering.  As a young child, this version of a God who Jesus called a loving father, and the Bible proclaimed was Love itself, made no sense to me.  

 

I'd already glimpsed something much more amazing and affirming.

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Space: The Final Frontier

 “When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”
― Pema Chödrön

 

“Fundamentally​, there is just open space, the basic ground, what we really are. Our most fundamental state of mind, before the creation of ego, is such that there is basic openness, basic freedom, a spacious quality; and we have now and have always had this openness.​" 

-- Chogyam Trungpa

  

When I growing up, being called a "space cadet" was not a good thing.  Unless you were an astronaut-in-training at NASA (or, perhaps, a Trekkie), the term was a put-down.  The folks who didn't pay a lot of attention to the seemingly endless concerns and activities of high school and college life?  They just weren't "cool."

Although I didn't realize it at the time, some of these space cadets were actually marching, perhaps even dancing, to the beat of a different drummer.  In doing so, they had a leg up on the rest of us.

Why?

Our legs were fully engaged spinning the hamster wheel of an invisible, but very captivating, mind cage.  Scrambling to conform to the rat race of the "real world," we couldn't afford to just space out.

Compelled by our thoughts and feelings about doing it right, going for the gold, being all we can be, etc., many of us were continually trying to get with the program presented to us in a culture steeped in capitalism, scientific materialism, racism, and the other "ism's" that serve to oppress the human spirit. 

From the time we woke up until the time we fell asleep, we were being conditioned by the world around us to disregard the spiritual dimension of life.

Sadly, most of us internalized the values and norms the mainstream society long before we had the experience or the skills to realize what was happening.   We didn't see that our society's "conventional reality" was a house built on the ever-shifting sands of what the Buddhist call the eight worldly concerns.   

 Rather than taking the time to "consider the lilies" as Jesus had counseled and explore the spiritual dimension of our lives, we became increasingly fixated on the material and psychological "needs" presented to us by the mass culture.   Some of us, like me, deeply wounded in childhood, were racing to escape the anathema of being called a "loser."  So,  "taking no anxious thought about tomorrow" never crossed our minds.  Achieving, succeeding, and winning became everything. 

The space cadet seemed not to take such things that seriously.  It seemed that he or she could frequently let go, relax -- and journey elsewhere.  

Aboard the Starship Enterprise

These days, I will gladly accept the title of space cadet.  I've found that space, what some folks call "inner space," is the final frontier.  In fact, as we voyage in the present moment to the precise edge of this ever-unfolding frontier, we see that inner and outer space are merely concepts.  In the gracious spaciousness of Mindful Awareness, each duality appears as two sides of a single coin.  In the embrace of impermanence, that coin is flipping eternally though a boundless One Love.  In this realm, heads and tails may exist -- but there is no winning or losing. 

Once I got a taste of the boundless and infinitely forgiving space at the heart of reality, I knew that I was all in.  Although I've had some crash landings and have encountered a menagerie of space monsters over the years,  I'm grateful to have signed on for the voyage.  Most every morning, I choose to step off the hamster wheel -- and go into free fall.  I simply sit still for a swath of time.  

Some people call what I do meditation. 
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Love. Love. Love.

"The moment we give rise to the desire for all beings to be happy and at peace, the energy of love arises in our minds, and all our feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness is permeated by love: in fact, they become love."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh, Teachings on Love

"All you need is love."

-- The Beatles

We have it on good authority.

Buddha and Jesus, as well as many other sages and saints throughout the ages, seem to agree with the Hippies -- and the Beatles.  In the final analysis: All you need is Love.  

That seems simple enough.

So, what's the problem? Why are so many folks suffering and why does the world appear to be going to hell in the proverbial hand basket? 

First of all, what many folks have learned to believe is love, the terrain of much music and Hollywood Movies -- isn't love.  What is presented as love is a very human blend of desire, biological attraction, and attachment.  It's pretty clear that "I love you so much that I'll kill anyone who looks at you, then you, then myself." is not exactly what JC, Buddha and others had in mind, right?

The form of "love" that our culture promotes has a lot more to do with fulfilling one's own individual ego needs for sex, security, status, and self-esteem than the quality of consciousness that emerges from what American Buddhist Teacher Pema Chodron calls an Awakened Heart.  True Love is not the profound passionate grasping of deep attachment. True Love is much grander than that.  

True Love emerges, and is essentially inseparable from, Pure Being.  It is identical to the One Love that exists beyond the illusion of disconnection that characterizes the realm of relative reality.  Flowing from and returning to our Essential Oneness, True Love emerges as the compassion, joy, ease, and clarity that exists in our heart of hearts. 

Unlike the common contemporary understanding that views love as something we just fall into (and, so often, out of),  in the Buddhist tradition, love is seen as a aspect of consciousness.  Our connection to that love can be intentionally cultivated.  Although we may stumble into glimpses of Oneness through an intimate connection to "the other" in a romantic relationship -- especially in its initial honeymoon phase -- ultimately, True Love emerges from a fundamental choice to embrace Life itself, to let go of who we think we are and open our hearts and minds to the actual experience of the present moment.  

Although this can happen with the very next breath, the process of actually becoming a loving person generally doesn't just happen.  It is a Practice.  Erich Fromm characterized it as an art in his classic work, The Art of Loving.  Like any discipline, True Love takes commitment, a set of skills, effort, persistence -- and patience. 
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Being Real

 

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
-- Albert Einstein

 
"Compassion and resilience are not, as we might imagine, rarefied human qualities available only to the saintly... In fact, these essential and universally prized human qualities can be solidly cultivated by anyone taking the time to do it." 

-- Norman Zoketzu Fischer,

Trainings in Compassion: Zen Teachings on the Practice of Lojong

Really, Dude?
 

"Yikes.  I did it again," I thought.  

Moments before, I had proclaimed with utter certainty that MY take on what was going on, was absolutely the truth of the matter.  I was even quite uppity about it.  

Then, quite quickly, Reality asserted itself.  

My certitude that my friend was "wrong," and that I was "right," disintegrated in the clear light of a sunny day.  

Duh.

Thankfully, my friend was gracious.  She didn't skewer me for my not immediately noticing the tightness in my chest -- and shutting the fuck up.  

Once again, I had missed the opportunity to pay better attention to the emergence of ego's hard headed clinging to its limited point of view.  I first noticed it in the tension in my voice. Yet, the momentum of ancient patterns had propelled me into a rather strident declaration of the facts at hand.  Then, to make matters worse, I immediately reacted defensively to her questioning my take.

Thankfully, the Universe -- and my friend -- were kind.  No 15 round knock down, drag out, battle ensued. Within a few moments,  I could see quite clearly that I was mistaken.  I had to give it up. 

Whew.  

At this stage of the journey, I actually was grateful for my "mistake." The Universe had pointed out, once again, that who I am at any moment in time can be nothing more, nor anything less, than a bad habit.  I've learned to appreciate those moments.

As a 5'2", 79 year old white, working class, cis, male (an Aries, no less), who emerged from a significantly chaotic and traumatic childhood, I can be a real jerk.  My supercharged need to be "right" is a deeply conditioned way to drive away the demons of existential angst -- and prove my worth.  Yet, these days I can bow to that reality with a grin more readily. It's easier to move on into the next moment with a bit more Presence.

I blame the Practice for that.

The Real Deal

Over the years, it has become more and more obvious to me that much of human life is dictated by habit.  Although it may not feel like it, who we are is not a fixed, free standing, independently existing, subjective reality.  Our current "point of view" emerges from a cauldron of causes and conditions, many of them beyond our ken -- or control.  We experience life through what Albert Einstein called an "optical illusion" of human consciousness.  We've learned to perceive ourselves as fundamentally separate from everything -- and everybody -- else. 

Spending much of our time lost in thought, adrift in habitual moods, we are driven by a set of deeply ingrained, mostly subconscious (and often contradictory) beliefs about ourselves and the world.  Immersed in these states of mind, we rarely are present to the deepest dimension of our lives.  Yet, all the while, in the vast silence within and beyond each moment, a sacred reality calls to us.  A boundless expanse of support and potentiality, it's presence energizes all that is.

Yet, we rarely hear it calling.  There's too much noise. 

When we aren't distracting ourselves with one of the myriad external amusements readily available, our inner world is usually a cascading current of thoughts and emotional energies. For some, the restlessness embedded in this noisy jumble will even emerge as bodily fidgits.  

To make matters worse, the noise in our heads resonates with the prevailing noise in the collective consciousness of today's world.  It dominates our attention. Oblivious to the subtle energies dancing within the infinite space of each and every moment, we don't experience our fundamental unity with all that is, has been, and ever could be.  We don't experience our connection to the One Love that is the ever-unfolding source, sustaining energy, and destination of all life.  

Thankfully, this fundamental sense of disconnect is nothing more --and nothing less than -- a bad habit.  

Embedded in that habit is the deep disquiet of what some have called existential angst. Most often, a restlessness for relief creates layers of addictive patterns to fill the void. Each is a grasping, an attempt to find happiness in all the wrong places.  Buddha described this as the cause of all human suffering.

So, it's no surprise that we creatures of habit find ourselves in tough straits. Each of us is awash in a culture where capitalism, scientific materialism, and a dysfunctional religious dogma have been woven into most every nook and cranny of human life -- for centuries.  The individual and collective subconscious of generations of human beings have been increasingly conditioned to create and feed this habitual sense of separation.  This pervasive "us vs them"mentality creates our day to day life as the individual struggle it appears to be.

Yet, all the while, in the still and silent space of our Heart of Hearts, the fundamental connection exists.  As we come to rest in the warmth of an open heart and clarity of open awareness, it becomes mysteriously clear.  We are not separate from the One Love.  From there, moment to moment, emerges a way of being that is truly clear, calm, kind, compassionate and wise.  This basic goodness is our True Nature. 
 

But, here's the rub.

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Lighten Up!

"The key to feeling at home with your body, mind and emotions, to feeling worthy to live on this planet, comes from being able to lighten up. When your aspiration is to lighten up, you begin to have a sense of humor. Things just keep popping 

your serious state of mind."

---Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

"Get your mind unbound and free; and then from the loosest, highest, best place you have, with the fastest and most humorous mind you can get together, you can reach out and make a try at understanding Spirit."

---Stephen Gaskin, This Season's People

All too often, it seems like those of us who are sincere spiritual seekers can get a bit too stodgy, a bit too stiff, a bit too serious about it all.  

 

It's not surprising, I suppose.

Although it's true that some of the folks drawn to Buddhism had experienced lives of relative comfort, achievement, and success (before realizing that there was still something lacking,) I think many folks were like me. I'd had a hard go of it.  

 

Growing up in what the psychiatrist, addictions specialist, author and teacher Dr. Gabor Mate describes as a toxic culture, my life, like the lives of many of us had included serious trauma.  I just about ace'd the freakin' ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) test!

 

So, when I stumbled across Buddha's Four Noble Truth's I was transfixed.  The First Noble Truth -- that Suffering is inherent in the impermanence of the human condition -- rang True.  I knew suffering to be real in my life.   

 

The Buddha's witnessing of sickness, old age, and death were part of my experience.  My grandmother disintegrated as she lost her bout with cancer.  A special friend disappeared from the school playground because of a failed tonsillectomy.  And beyond these examples of the universal human condition, my childhood had been especially chaotic and troubling.

 

By the time I was six, I had witnessed my mother being swept up into extreme mental states and behaviors.  She disappeared from my life for large swathes of time.  Each time she was hospitalized in a state institution, my father's inability to work full-time and take care of four children (three under the age of 6, the first time) led to him finding"foster" settings -- seemingly with families that just needed the money.  I experienced sexual abuse in each.  

Although my inherent capacity to experience the wonders of childhood curiosity, exploration, and discovery remained intact (most often while wandering around alone), I suffered through a revolving door of frightening and painful experiences throughout elementary school and junior high school.  

During that time Mom would get well and the three youngest would return to live with her.  Then, she would get "unwell" -- and we were off to live with strangers.  Then she would be fine.  And then she wasn't.  My world was a kaleidoscopic swirl of new teachers, new schools, new homes, new "families," detention centers, truant officers, social workers -- and police officers.  I was touched by the kindness of some.  I wasn't touched so kindly by others.

Extremely sensitive ( my radar had been fine-tuned to Mom's moods to know when to seek safety), I also saw and felt suffering in the folks around me -- whether expressed or not.  So many folks seemed unhappy, frightened, angry, sad.

I also saw suffering in the larger world around me as it played out in the stark black and white of television.  The mystery, cowboy, and army shows bristled with malevolence, murder, and mayhem.  The television news was probably even worse because it purported to be real.  

The First Noble Truth? Suffering part of life? Check. I read on.  

When I discovered that the man known as the Buddha asserted that there was a specific cause for suffering, I was intrigued.  Then, when he proclaimed that there was a freaking way out of suffering,  I was hooked! 

Seriously? Damn! Sign me up! 

 

(Of course, at that time, living in rural Northern Illinois, there weren't a whole lot of Buddhists around.  But that's another story for another time. )

 

Getting Serious

 

I've discussed spirituality with lots of folks over the decades -- many of who were drawn to other spiritual traditions.  It seems there often was a similar dynamic. Whether seeking nirvana or heaven,  sat chit ananda or atonement, most were seeking some form of release from a painful, dissatisfying, confusing, seemingly meaningless, existence.  We were all looking for Light at the end of the tunnel.  Then, whatever our specific path, at a certain point we knew that we had to make a committed effort.  We get serious about it. 

Unfortunately, some of us then got deadly serious about it.  I, for one, know that I got way too fanatical about it.  I was on a mission to point how how serious our situation was on this planet, how important spiritual practice was.  It's all I wanted to talk about.  My friends used to hate to see me coming.  I could quickly squeeze the life out of any party. 

 

It wasn't until that "oh so serious"bubble burst with a quip and belly laugh (and a joint) that I began to lighten up again.  I saw clearly that what some folks call the Cosmic Joke was for real!  Sometimes, the wise crack is how the Light gets in!  A sense of humor is one of humanity's superpowers. 
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Judge Not and ...

 

“The ability to observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.”
― J. Krishnamurti

“We sow the seeds of our future hells or happiness by the way
 we open or close our minds right now.”

 ― Pema Chodron

I don't think there is any greater freedom than being Present -- engaging life as it is -- without the distortion caused by Judgment Mind.  

Growing up immersed in a society that is highly judgmental, most of us have been deeply conditioned to experience our lives in terms of good/bad, right/wrong, should be/shouldn't be.  

 

In fact, our ego sense, with its perceived separation and isolation from "the other" is maintained by the thoughts, opinions, and various mind states that emerge from this conditioning.  Even in its mild form of liking/disliking, Judgment Mind can generate thoughts and feelings that serve to separate us from the peaceful, calm, and caring Connection we have access to in every moment.  

 

If we are overly self-absorbed, distracted, stressed, moving too fast, etc., it's easy to get lost in our conditioned reactions to Life.  Adrift in Judgment Mind, we loose Presence.  We get lost in the alternative reality we have created -- and forget that the world is really not as it appears to us at that moment.  This deeply ingrained process of evaluating what we experience as bad, wrong, condemnable, is part of our social conditioning.  It appears as discontent, diatribe, enmity, blame, and self-blame.  If we aren't paying attention, it can and will dominate our lives, moment to moment.

 

Seeing For Yourself

 

One of the fruits of meditation is that we can see how that process works directly.  We can see for ourselves that Judgment Mind isn't only the thoughts going through our heads at the moment.  It's deeper than that.  It is embedded in the emotions we are experiencing.  It's embodied in the tightnesses and discomforts of our body.  It directly effects the quality of our consciousness, our state of mind.  

 

It is actually quite fun to see for yourself how that plays out on the meditation cushion.  

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Me and My Shadow

 

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, 

but by making the darkness conscious...
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people."

-- C.G. Jung

 

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments 

that teach us where it is that we’re holding back...
They’re like messengers that show us,
with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck."

 --  Pema Chödrön

Many folks experiencing a lot of stress in their lives are drawn to meditation.  It's only natural.  There appears to be a deep human yearning to chill out.  

 

And, to be sure, Mindfulness Practice can provide many moments of calm and clarity.

Yet -- and this is generally not proclaimed in the slick internet ads  -- it is also true that a regular mediation practice can bring to the surface a lot of feelings that we have assiduously managed to repress, deny, or otherwise avoid, as we scurry along in our lives.

Conditioned to operate in a fast-paced materialistic society, one that keeps us focused outwardly for fulfillment, we are programmed to just keep moving.  So, once we slow down and sit still for awhile to focus inwardly, our world changes

 

Although we can experience greater calm, it is also not uncommon to encounter darker, more distressing energies during periods of meditation.

Contrary to what we might think, this is a Good Thing.  It's a sign that the Practice is working! (How often have you winced and thought "Damn.  Why did I say/do that!?  Wouldn't you like to know?)

In the process of a deepening Practice, we no longer skim across the surface.  Turning toward and embracing our Shadow, we actually begin to get in touch with the aspects of our conditioning that have subconsciously operated to create the way we see and react to the events of our lives.  

 

The good news is that, with Practice, we are able to make conscious what had been subconscious.  Over time, we are able to observe and understand the more troublesome aspects of ourselves, and navigate our lives with increasing clarity and ease. 

Truth in Advertising

Adrift in momentary delusions of grandeur, I sometimes joke about beginning a high profile advertising campaign for Monday Morning Mindfulness.  Full page bold print ads, billboards, and television commercials would proclaim something like:
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Sad but True

This world - 
absolutely pure
As is. 
Behind the fear,

Vulnerability. 
Behind that,
Sadness, 
then compassion
And behind that the vast sky.

 --Rick Fields

 “When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”
― Pema Chödrön

Sometimes, insight and healing emerge slowly during the course of our lives. 

Like spring unfolding across the palette of April and May, our Practice deepens.  Green shoots appear.  Buds opens.  What was tan, stark, and frigid, gradually brightens, softens, and warms. 

Then, at a certain point, we notice.  It's different now than it was before.  Nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. 

At other times, Zap! Insight and Healing emerge like a bolt of lightning!

Sometimes, this bursts forth with a torrential downpour of tears. Sometimes not. Yet, in a heartbeat there is a Grand Gestalt.  In a flash, in an instant, there is Crystalline Clarity.  We really get It! Or perhaps -- more accurately-- It gets us.  

Everything has changed, but nothing has changed.  Yet, it is different now than it was before.

The Genuine Heart of Sadness

A few years ago, I had the good fortunate to stop by Himalayan Views, a nearby spiritual gift shop/bookstore, to hear a woman describe one of those moments.  She was sitting in the back reading area of the store, and as is often the case, I made the effort to smile and say hello.  (A childhood rebel, I never agreed with "don't talk to strangers.")  Soon, I found myself chatting with her about the book she was reading, and comparing notes on our lives and spiritual practice.  

Her eyes were clear and kind.  Her voice was gentle, yet powerful, as she shared her story.  

She was in her mid-thirties at the time of her Awakening.   Suffering from what had been diagnosed as "clinical depression," medicated since early adolescence, she had come across a book of Pema Chodron's teachings.  She was drawn page by page into an deepening awareness of a truth she felt she had always known,  a truth she never had heard from the people around her.

 

Then, when she read of what Pema's teacher, Chogyam Trungpa had called "the genuine heart of sadness," Reality asserted itself. Her life was transformed. 

Zap!

At that very moment, She knew. 
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Start Where You Are

“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

“I’d like to encourage us all to lighten up, to practice with a lot of gentleness.”
― Pema Chödrön

I certainly was no "newbie" to meditation and spiritual practice back in 2006.

I was sixty years old, I had practiced daily meditation for large swathes of time over the course of 35 years.  I had also taken formal training vows, lived in several spiritual communities, and attended a number of intensive retreats with well known teachers.  

 

And yet...

 

Although I had had a number of peak experiences over the years -- on and off the zafu -- little did I know that my mind was about to be blown once again.  

I had never heard of Pema Chodron when a friend handed me a paperback copy of Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living that day.  This septuagenarian American female monk of the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition had me hooked with the very first sentence of the Preface:

"THIS BOOK IS ABOUT AWAKENING THE HEART."

The Heart!!??

 

As a inveterate bookworm, my introduction to Zen had been through Alan Watts, D.T Suzuki, and Shunryu Suzuki, back in the early 1970's.  It was pretty heady stuff.  Like many, I'd come to see the spiritual path as a matter of mind over matter.  It was all about Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, right?  

 

OMG! Awakening the Heart!? 

 

Duh.  

 

Something deep within me stirred.

Although I had read her teacher Chogyam Trungpa's classic works as a young man, and had spent a bit of time with Tibetan Buddhist communities in Madison WI and Woodstock NY over the years, my primary focus had never turned to Tibetan teachings and practices.  To be honest, after being drawn to the simple aesthetic of Zen, I was pretty turned off by the somewhat cluttered and gaudy opulence of Tibetan Buddhist Temples -- and by the notion of "guru-worship." The relative simplicity of the American incarnations of both Zen and Theravada seemed much more in tune with my own, working-class, moderately Marxist, sensibilities.

Yet, as I poured through Start Where You Are that day, I was transfixed.   Pema Chodron offered a fresh, accessible, down to earth presentation of the traditional Lojong Teachings of Tibetan Buddhism.  Chapter by chapter, her teachings helped me to establish a new and deeper relationships to the Dharma, to Practice -- and to my life.   

 

Although many of the concepts were familiar, something deep inside me shifted. 

Starting Where I Was

I had always considered myself a pretty compassionate dude.   I was dedicated to service.  I had taught school, worked with troubled youth, been a peace and social justice activist, a union activist, a mediator.  The four Bodhisattva Vows had been the foundation of my personal practice for decades.  I thought I was one of the "good guys."

 

Yet, I had also struggled through a series of severe burnouts all through my life.  Although the reality of our Essential Oneness was part of my own experience, it wasn't enough.  I really didn't have a clue about navigating my way through life in a grounded, balanced, and sustainable way.  

 

Sure. I could "be there" for others to a certain extent.  But, I was blind to the various deep-set patterns that prevented me from truly being there for myself. Again and again, this unexplored conditioning dictated the trajectory of my life and sent me into descending spirals of anxiety and depression.  This prevented me from being there for anybody in a consistent and sustainable way.
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Know What?

“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all.  

― Pema Chödrön

 

"I vow to live a life of Not-knowing, 

giving up fixed ideas about myself and the universe."

-- The First Tenet of the Zen Peacemakers

 

 

The Summer of '62

 

" I know not, your majesty." -- Bodhidharma

Over the years, the assumption that I absolutely understand what is going on, and know exactly what to do about it, has tripped me up -- a lot.  

 

Even worse, the assumption that I know exactly what is going on and what someone else should to do about it, has wrecked havoc.

 

Assumptions, especially the one's buried in our subconscious belief structures, can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering.

 

My first boss, Charlie Winchester, foreman of the maintenance department at a small factory in a small town north of Chicago, had, perhaps, a less delicate way of making the point.  The memory brings a smile and warm glow to my heart.

In the summer of 1962, I was able to get a relatively good paying union job at the factory where my dad worked.  At that point in my life, I was drawn to become a public school teacher.  So, it was time.  

 

I couldn't rely on family wealth.  I had to start saving money for the college education that would, perhaps, propel me up a notch in social status, if not in income.  

 
Charlie was a kind and able mentor.  His spirit pervaded the maintenance crew.  During the seven summers I worked there, I was well supported by a small team of guys willing to show "the kid" the ropes.  They taught me a lot about how things work -- on many levels.

One particular lesson emerged when Charlie came around the corner to find me standing in front of a piece of production machinery.  I'd been trusted to replace the belt that connected it's electric motor to the drill assembly.  I assumed it would be a simple repair. 

 

It wasn't.

Belching smoke, the entire machine was lurching erratically and making threatening noises.  As soon as I saw him, I began to explain what I had done and why.  Interrupting me mid-sentence, he walked past me to shut the machine down. (Duh!) 

 

Then, with the ever-present cigar stub clenched in his smile,  Charlie took a pencil and a small spiral bound notepad from the plastic pencil holder that always rode in his front shirt pocket.  He opened the pad to a blank page, and then, in large, capital letters, he wrote the word "ASSUME."

"You know what happens when you assume?" he asked.
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All You Need Is Love

 

"Hatred never ceases by hatred. It is healed by love alone. 
This is the ancient and eternal law."

-- Buddha

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul

and with all your strength and with all your mind. 
Love your neighbor as yourself.”

--  Jesus of Nazareth

As the candy-coated, commercialized carnival of Valentine's Day fades in the rear view mirror, I still find myself musing about True Love. 

I don't know how it plays out in other languages, but it seems to me that in English the word "love" is astonishingly imprecise.   

The very same word is used for both the ultimate self-sacrifice that Jesus spoke of when he proclaimed, "Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life...,"AND the most possessive and jealous form of desirous, grasping imaginable.  The very same word, love, casts a net that includes both the enlightened activity of the Bodhisattva Green Tara -- and the painful, jealous flailing of folks ensnared by the Green Eyed Monster!

Yet, we have it on "good authority" (see introductory quotes above) that the key to the Real Deal is Love.  So, what does the word "love" really mean? 

Mean?

Yikes.  Here we go again: What does the word "mean" really mean?  

Its "meaning" runs the gamut from ultimate significance and purpose, to simply being nasty!?  It reaches from the perfection of Aristotle's (and Buddha's) Golden Mean to the obnoxious underwater antics of the Blue Meanies.!?

WTF?

It's Only Words...

Love? Meaning? 

 

These words certainly seem important.   Conditioned as we are in a culture that stresses the importance of conceptual thought, much of our awareness is tied up in the stream of words that dominate our attention.  Yet using these word to get at the Truth can be problematic, no?  Words can be quite sloppy. Their meanings even paradoxical.  Perhaps, words are not always that useful in our quest for fundamental clarity.

The Zen tradition points this out.  Repeatedly. 

During a teisho in sesshin years ago at the Rochester Zen Center, Bodhin Kjolhede Sensei asserted, "Every time I open my mouth, I'm lying!"  He had obviously -- and very passionately -- just opened his mouth.  

 

I sat there bemused. 

Was Sensei telling the truth in that assertion -- or was he lying?
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In It for the Long Haul

"As the mind becomes a little more quiet the sacredness of everything 

within and without becomes clear to us.”

-- Zen Teacher Norman Fischer

 

 “Be still.  Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity.
When there is silence one finds the anchor of the universe within oneself.”
― Lao Tzu

In the midst of the scurry of the past couple of weeks, I was especially aware of how precious each morning's meditation was to me.  

 

Sitting here at this aging MacBook Pro, mindful of my breath and body, relaxing into the space that surrounds these sensations, I come to rest in this moment's open awareness.  

 

Sitting Still, torso erect, feet firmly planted on the floor, breathing long and slow,  my belly, then rib cage, expand. Pausing, releasing, they contract. 

 

Eyes see.  Ears hear.  Thoughts emerge.  Images emerge.

 

In my mind's eye, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  I am 78 years old, after all.  In the long haul of human of human life, I'm probably somewhere in the final lap.

 

Taking another full, conscious breath, continuing to relax and open, the tunnel and the light dissolve into the clear, luminous brilliance that is beyond endings and beginnings. I'm at peace at hOMe Sweet OM.  

 

Home is where the Heart is.

 

Touching Stillness, even for a few brief moments, is like feeling the warm glow of a fireplace, snuggling at home on a snowy evening peering through the window at the moon.  Paradoxically, Touching Stillness also like sipping clear, crisp spring water on a steamy summer day.  In Stillness, a Presence emerges.  In a silent whisper, it sings of the Ineffable, that infinite space where the fundamentally mysterious and completely ordinary meet to form the fabric of Life itself.  

Simply Sitting Still

 

Although I use a variety of meditation techniques, have an active prayer life, and practice a set of daily spiritual rituals, the foundation of my personal practice for decades has been shikantaza.  I simple sit still with what Zen teacher Norman Fischer calls "the basic feeling of being alive."  Seated erect, my attention is allowed to rest in the moment to moment experience of my breath and body.  Simply Sitting Still, I relax into the embrace in the expansive spaciousness of what contemporary spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle calls the Eternal Now.

 

Of course, this is often easier said than done.  It takes Practice.

Conditioned as we are in this society, our attention is usually drawn into the thoughts and images and memories and daydreams cascading through our mind.  Rather than sitting still, observing the experience of the present moment with a relaxed open gaze, we find ourselves lost in thoughts and images of the future or the past.  (My "go to patterns" often have included reliving scenes of unsatisfactory events, either fretting or rewriting those scenes to put myself in a better light -- or fretting about fear-based worst case scenarios of future events. Oy ve. LOL )

 

This happens, again and again and again.  

Yet, the moment we simply notice this, a moment of Practice emerges.  If that noticing is clear, open, calm, and non-judgmental, we have engaged Mindfulness, a qualitatively different mode of consciousness.  Mindfulness becomes the Gateless Gate to Pure Awareness.  

 

As Practice deepens, there are times that Reality Asserts Itself.  In a flash, we are Present in a qualitatively different way -- and we know it.  Ultimately, we come home to our True Nature.  We realize that that we are all inseparable from the Universe, embraced by a mysterious, boundless, Love.  This Sacred Unity is the source and the destination of all that exists and could ever be.

 

At times, it is just that simple.  Yet, simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.

Throughout our lives, we have developed complexes of thoughts and emotions that have a great deal of power over us.  They arise, unbidden, to dominate our attention.  Without Practice, we are unconsciously propelled into each moment by our past, again and again. 

 

We are, literally, creatures of habit. Much of who we are at any one moment, the way we "see" and react to our experience, is primarily a result of our conditioning.  Most of the time, we don't choose to think what we are thinking or to feel what we are feeling.  It just bubbles up from our subconscious.  

 

Without Practice, without a conscious commitment to put in the time and effort to discover who we really are, we are held in bondage by our past.  Without Practice, moment to moment, who we perceive ourselves to be, is mostly just a bad habit.  We are likely to continue to create a future that contains the same old, same old, suffering that characterizes much of the human condition.   

 

Thankfully, there is Practice.

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Space: The Final Frontier

"When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment,
our understanding of what is going on deepens, 

and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

“Delight in itself is the approach of sanity. Delight is to open our eyes 

to the reality of the situation rather than siding with this or that point of view.”
― Chögyam Trungpa, The Myth of Freedom and the Way of Meditation

When I growing up, being called a "space cadet" was not a good thing.  Unless you were an astronaut-in-training at NASA (or, perhaps, a Trekkie), the term was a put-down.  The folks who didn't pay a lot of attention to the seemingly endless concerns and activities of high school and college life, just weren't cool. 

Although I didn't realize it at the time, some of these space cadets were actually marching, perhaps even dancing, to the beat of a different drummer.  In doing so, they had a leg up on the rest of us.

Why?

Our legs were fully engaged spinning the hamster wheel of an invisible, but very captivating, mind cage.  Scrambling to conform to the rat race of the "real world," we couldn't afford to just space out.

Compelled by our thoughts and feelings about doing it right, going for the gold, being all we can be, etc., most of us were continually trying to get with the program presented to us in a culture steeped in capitalism, scientific materialism, racism, and all the other "ism's" that serve to oppress the human spirit.

From the time we woke up until the time we fell asleep, we were being conditioned by the world around us to disregard the spiritual dimension of life.

Sadly, most of us internalized the values and norms the mainstream society long before we had the experience or the skills to realize what was happening.   We didn't see that our society's "conventional reality" was a house built on the ever-shifting sands of what the Buddhist call the eight worldly concerns.   Rather than taking the time to "consider the lilies" as Jesus had counseled and explore the spiritual dimension of our lives, we became increasingly fixated on the material and psychological "needs" presented to us by the mass culture.

The space cadet seemed not to take such things that seriously.  It seemed that he or she could frequently let go, relax -- and journey elsewhere.  

Aboard the Starship Enterprise

These days, I will gladly accept the title of space cadet.  I've found that space, what some folks call "inner space," is the final frontier.  In fact, as we voyage in the present moment to the precise edge of this ever-unfolding frontier, we see there is actually no such thing as elsewhere.  We come to see that inner and outer space are merely concepts, two sides of the same coin.  And that coin is flipping eternally though a boundless and infinite universe of awareness.  In this realm there is no winning or losing.  The coin never lands.

Once I got a taste of the boundless and infinitely forgiving space at the heart of reality, I knew that I was all in.  Although I've had some crash landings and have encountered some space monsters along the way,  I'm grateful to have signed on for the voyage.  Most every morning, I choose to step off the hamster wheel for at least an hour -- and go into free fall.  I simply sit still for about an an hour.

Some people call what I do meditation. 
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