The Final Frontier

“Preparing for death is one of the most profoundly healing acts of a lifetime."

-- Stephen Levine, Who Dies?

An Investigation of Conscious Living, Conscious Dying

 

"Death is only the end if you think the story is all about you!"

-- Andrew Holecek, lecture on the Tibetan Book of the Dead

 

 

At age 77, having just emerged (mostly) from two months of a rather nasty extended play version of COVID, I can readily identify with the fleeting gold of a sunset.  

 

It'll soon be twilight time.  And then...?

I really wasn't feeling well and had no physical energy for a couple of months.  I tested positive for COVID in late August.  Then, feeling pretty shabby to begin with, I got slammed with a "Paxlovid Rebound," and went from bad to worse.  I thought I had turned the corner several times, only to run smack dab into a wall again.  One of those walls turned out be a strep infection! Jeez. 

 

It's been a long, long, haul. 

 

Time to Get Real

 

I've chanted The Five Remembrances innumerable times in Zen services over the decades.  At this stage of the journey, they are no longer theoretical.  I have already beat the genetic odds.  My father died at age 61, after a series of heart attacks and strokes.  His father croaked of a heart attack at age 57. With the assistance of two stents placed in my heart about 12 years ago, I'm still here.

 

It''s high time to get real, no?

 

 

Sitting here at the keyboard at this moment, taking a deep breath, I know -- in my bones -- that the Grand Transition need not be feared.   I've known that since the curtain was drawn back and I got a good glimpse of the Real Deal years ago.  Beyond the veil, I saw that there is a dimension of life that is perfect love.  With rainbows gleaming in my tears, I knew, in my heart of hearts, that who I am is inseparable from what I have come to call One Love. 

Of course, that experience wasn't enough.  I still had a life to live.

I've certainly struggled -- a lot -- in the ongoing journey of healing that my life has become.  The wounds of a deeply traumatic childhood, and the on-going craziness of a world seemingly hellbent on self-destruction, continue to make things challenging -- to say the least.  I've come to see that there are layers and layers of conditioning, and a sea of ever-present conditions, that propel me and others toward division, disconnection, and disarray.  What traditional Buddhism calls the Three Poisons: ignorance, greed, and enmity, are powerful forces woven into the fabric of the human condition.

 

Yet, as Practice has deepened over these past decades, things have gotten better in my day to day existence.  With commitment, time, effort -- and patience, lots of patience --I've been able to engage my life with more kindness, compassion, ease, balance, and clarity.  I've been able to live more wholeheartedly.  With Practice, I believe I can approach my Death with an open heart and a clear mind as well. 

 

Me and My Shadow

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, 

but by making the darkness conscious...
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people."

-- C.G. Jung

 

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back...
They’re like messengers that show us,
with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck."

 --  Pema Chödrön

Many folks experiencing a lot of stress in their lives are drawn to meditation.  It's only natural.  There is a deep yearning to chill out.  

 

And, to be sure, Mindfulness Practice can provide many moments of deep calm and clarity.

Yet -- and this is generally not proclaimed in the slick internet ads  -- it is also true that a regular mediation practice can bring to the surface a lot of feelings that we have assiduously managed to repress, deny, or otherwise avoid as we scurry ahead in our lives.

Conditioned to operate in a fast-paced materialistic society, one that keeps us focused outwardly for fulfillment, we are programmed to just keep moving.  So, once we slow down and sit still for awhile to focus inwardly, our world changes.  Although we can experience greater calm, it is also not uncommon to encounter darker, more distressing emotions at times.

Contrary to what we might think, this is a Good Thing.  It's a sign that the Practice is working!

In the process of a deepening Practice, we no longer skim across the surface.  We actually begin to get in touch with the aspects of our conditioning that have subconsciously operated to create the way we see and react to the events of our lives.  (How often have you winced and thought "damn.  Why did I say/do that!?  Wouldn't you like to know?)  

The good news is that, with Practice, we are able to make conscious what had been subconscious.  Over time, we are able to observe and navigate the more troublesome aspects of ourselves with increasing clarity and ease. 

Truth in Advertising

Adrift in momentary delusions of grandeur, I sometimes joke about beginning a high profile advertising campaign for Monday Morning Mindfulness.   Full page bold print ads, billboards, and television commercials would proclaim something like:
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