mean that the capacity to love and accept
is not there; love is always with you.”
Once you hitch your wagon to Practice and roll out, you are going to get the lessons along the way that are needed to take you deeper --whether you like it or not!
More than once here in this blog, I've spent time presenting the notion that simply "cutting loose of the storyline," is an immediate fix to disturbing emotions. When we have enough presence of mind to refocus our attention from the realm of discursive thought to explore what is going on in our breath, body, and heart, sometimes hell dissolves and heaven is revealed in the blink of an eye. (See Your Courtesy Wake Up Call: Once Upon a Time...)
The operative word here is -- sometimes.
As the years roll by and the Practice deepens, I have experienced such an instantaneous transformation quite often. Yet, during the last past week, Life interjected a pretty dramatic bevy of upset apple carts and broohahas into the Grand Mix. It seems a bit of Karmic Comeuppance was necessary. Hopefully, getting my tail burned with my own anger will burnish my humility and compassion a bit. It's certainly been enough to remind me that it can take a lot of work and a whole lot longer than a "blink of an eye" to learn something from a situation -- and regain a sense of wonder about it all.
Being a calm and kind, clear and compassionate, human being is NOT that easy. It is a daunting discipline. It takes commitment, courage, patience, skill, time and effort. It takes Practice.
Then and Now
As a child and a young man I had what folks might call an extremely bad temper. Having grown up in the midst of a lot of anger and physical violence, I would react to things in my world with bursts of violent emotions -- and even violent behavior. Throughout childhood, I could fly into a rage and smash things and strike out with the worst of them. My kid brother and I fought like cats and dogs. Our last furniture breaking brawl took place when I was in college.
It would still take years to quell those patterns.
Perhaps, the deepest gratitude that I have to the Practice is that I am no longer likely to get extremely angry. Annoyance and irritation usually is about as bad as it gets. I'm grateful that it usually doesn't spill out of my mouth without immediate recognition and re-calibration.
Yet, life being life, usually doesn't mean never. This weekend, I hit a deep pool of anger for the first time in quite awhile. I was angry. Really angry. Thankfully, after launching a few unkind words, I withdrew. ( I wish I had withdrawn before I launched those misguided missles, but, obviously there were deeper lessons to be learned.)