A grin comes to my face as I remember her voice on the telephone.
"That's backwards isn't it? You meant breathe in the good and send out the bad, right?" she said, not unkindly. Being gracious, she was making a space for me to realize that my aging brain cells had gone dyslexic.
I had been chatting with an old friend for first time in quite awhile, talking about my continued wonder at the Lojong Teachings of Tibetan Buddhism in general, and Tonglen Practice in particular.
After a moment's pause, to relax and reconnect with the basic openness of mind -- and to make sure that I really hadn't verbally zigged when I had intended to zag -- I continued.
"No, I actually did mean that I get in touch with my aspiration that we all be released from suffering and the roots of suffering. Then I breathe into my heart the difficult and challenging darker emotions that had emerged at the moment. Then I breathe out a sense of relief and healing energy.
She paused for awhile (perhaps, to relax and reconnect with a basic openness of mind herself? LOL) Then she simply replied, "Oh?"
She didn't sound convinced.
Hers was not an uncommon response. Raised in a highly individualistic and materialistic society, the basic premise of this ancient Tibetan Buddhist system of mind training seems counterintuitive. Making the decision to open our hearts to the entire gamut of human emotions, rather than always grasping at the "good" and pushing away the "bad? Seems a bit crazy, right? It most certainly is.
Crazy like a fox.
The Lojong Teachings of Tibetan Buddhism, which consist of 59 training aphorisms are supported by two meditation practices: basic sitting meditation (Shamatha-Vippasyana) and Tonglen. Each of these practices has a role in cultivating our Connection to the essentially miraculous nature of life. Each contributes to our deepening ability to be Present moment by moment -- with clarity and compassion -- to the Sacred Perfection in which we are immersed.
As I sit here and pay attention, I become aware of a clear, bright, vast, and open sense of spaciousness beyond the tunnel vision of my thoughts.
As I pause and expand my attention to become
aware of my body, my breath, and the sights and sounds of the room that I
am sitting in and of the world outside the window, there a palpable shift in my consciousness. As
I come into the present moment more fully, I can feel its expansiveness in my heart. I can relax and rest in
Sitting here, breathing in, breathing out, I'm aware of the dance of my fingers along the surface of this keyboard. I see that milliseconds before the fingers move, thoughts emerge instantaneously, seemingly from nowhere in particular. Although, these thoughts are most certainly prompted by my intention to write this blog post, they appear to be emerging by themselves, quite mysteriously.
Although Western science claims that these thoughts are merely epiphenoma, just brain secretions of some sort, at this moment they appear to be connected to something much grander than that. My heart feels that connection. I have come to trust that feeling. A boundless sense of wonder and joy emerges from the luminous silence that embraces me as I embrace it. Aware of my feet on the floor, the clicking contact of my fingers on the keyboard, the soft humming of the computer, the wind outside the window, the vast, open spaciousness of a clear and boundless open mind, my heart opens. I feel the Presence of the Sacred.
But, I digress -- sort of.
What I just did, actually, was the initial stage of formal Tonglen Practice as taught by Pema Chodron and others. In the terminology used in her tradition, I "flashed on absolute bodhichitta."
Although that sounds pretty esoteric, it's actually pretty simple. I paused and consciously got in touch with what she sometimes calls "the gap." I turned my attention to the open space that presents itself between and beyond thoughts.
To do this, I simply paused, took a deep breath, and focused my attention on something besides the ongoing prattle of the thoughts that habitually take center stage in the play of my waking consciousness. I noticed the sensations of my breath and body, what my eyes were seeing in the room around me, what my ears were hearing. Rather than remain lost in my thoughts, I got more fully in touch with my experience of the present moment.
I came to my senses.
Although the ease with which I can usually get in touch with this open, spacious quality of consciousness has been cultivated by a lot of time spent in formal meditation, the experience of Open Awareness isn't all that uncommon. You see it in kids all the time. They are Present in a way that most of us adults aren't.
I'm convinced, though, that even in adulthood, we each have such moments in the midst of our day to day lives. These moments of Presence can emerge at that instant that we noticed what happens when the refrigerator compressor motor stops whining in the background, or when we turn off the radio or television. In that moment, there is a shift. Something eases. A perceptible sense of spaciousness emerges.
A walk outside (or even just looking out the window) can bring about this shift quite readily for many of us. The sights and sounds of the world draw us out. This happens easily as the sun paints the sky in majestic colors at sunrise or sunset. Yet, it can also happen as a garbage truck goes growling down the street. If we aren't too mired in our own habitual tendency to be lost in thought, our self-created bubble pops and, in a flash, we are Present in a qualitatively different way.
Practice our ability to connect with and sustain this quality of
consciousness increases. Our Connection to this sense of spaciousness
becomes the foundation of our ability to embrace and work
with the energies of our difficult and challenging emotions through
Tonglen Practice. Although Pema Chodron mentions "flashing" this open
briefly as the formal first stage of this meditation practice, these
days she actually recommends beginning
and ending a 15 minute period of Tonglen with periods of
Basic Sitting Practice.
That makes sense to me. In this, she is much more gentler in her
than her teacher, Chogyam Trungpa. Being an American, I think she gets
us a bit better. Trungpa expected his students to just "flash on
ultimate bodhichitta" for a moment, then do 30
minutes of straight Tonglen in each meditation session. Yikes.
The second stage of formal practice involves two visualizations. On the in-breath, we draw into our hearts the energies of suffering and its causes. The fear, pain, anger, jealousy, sense of lack, etc. that emerge from ego-clinging and its habitual fixations is visualized as black, hot, solid, heavy, and claustrophic on the in-breath. During the out-breath, we visualize the textures of our kindness and caring as white light, fresh, clear and cool, and radiate them into space in all directions from your heart. Although when I first heard this particular technique presented by Ram Dass back in the early 70's, it didn't compute. For the past 17 tears, I've increasingly found this to be a useful way to work with emotional energy.
The specific focus of this stage of Tonglen can be yourself, as well. In fact, one of the Lojong slogans recommends beginning this practice with yourself. You are guided to draw in and open to the emotional energies of your own fear, disappointment, frustration, sorrow, etc., on the in-breath. From the expansiveness of this opening, you can then release and radiate a sense of relief and healing on the out-breath. I've found this to be profoundly healing. It continues to allow me to melt away that moment's "negativity," as well as continue to soften the scar tissue of past wounds. It allows me to re-connect with the open, accepting, spaciousness of an open heart.
In the fourth stage of tonglen, we are guided to expand the focus. After bringing to mind a specific person's plight, we widen our gaze to include all persons experiencing a similar situation or set of emotions. As your vision expands, you can readily see that there are numerous people experiencing what you or another specific person are going through. In fact, this realization, and the willingness to include others as the recipients of our concern, can be healing in itself. This stage continues as you then expand your focus to include all sentient beings throughout time and space.
that it is quite helpful to move back and forth between
the formal stages of Tonglen Practice, to re-connect more deeply with a
basic sense of openness, or to work with the stage two visualizations.
It can also be helpful to move back to the third stage of a specific
focus when the notion of "all sentient beings' becomes too conceptual in
the fourth stage and looses its energy.
One Step at a Time
It is important to be gentle with yourself as you explore Tonglen Practice. Take your time. At the beginning -- and even after you've worked with this technique for quite awhile -- there are times that the emotional energies encountered may seem too overwhelming. If this happens, and you are unable to find or maintain the expansiveness of an open mind and an open heart, just let go of tonglen and return to Basic Sitting Practice for awhile. This work is not a hundred yard dash, it's a marathon. It is important to be patient with yourself.
When you're ready, you will be
able to feel a particular emotional
energy in it's full intensity. This sometimes involves tears. Just
continue breathing through them. They will pass. Your intention to
release yourself and others from the grasp of suffering will draw forth
the energy of an open heart. Whether this is simply "imagining" or real
(as if there
is actually a absolute difference between those two), Tonglen Practice has a
great value. I've found that over the years, more and more, I
am able to access the clarity, expansiveness, and warmth of an open
heart and an open mind. There, in the embrace of the compassionate
awareness that is our human birthright, I am embraced by the One Love that permeates the universe. There, a transmutation of energy occurs. Healing happens.
Tonglen on the Spot
Although formal Tonglen Practice on the zafu is extremely worthwhile, I've found that its greatest practical value emerges in the reality of day to day life. I first learned Tonglen "on the spot" in 2005 at a retreat led by the venerable environmental activist and Buddhist Joanna Macy a few months before I came across it again in the teachings of Pema Chodron.
Although I was amazed by Macy's teachings and many of the guided meditations and exercises I experienced that week, "tonglen on the spot ," was the main take away for me. She advised us to simply breathe in any "disturbing" emotions as they emerged during the day and breathe out a sense of relief and healing. This seemed like something I could readily use in the day to day life.
I immediately engaged it the day after the
retreat as I was waiting in a long line at the supermarket. Noticing my
own frustration and restless emerge, noticing it in others, I
immediately began to breath those feelings into my heart, connect with
my aspiration to relieve the suffering involved, and breathed out a
sense of relief and ease. It certainly changed my experience of the
situation quickly. As I relaxed, my sense of humor returned. I was
able to come up with a quick, quip about our "plight,"-- and the energy
shifted. Folks loosened up. In the long journey toward Universal
Peace, it's one step at a time. It all counts.
At this point, Tonglen has become quite automatic much of the
time. As I sense suffering, either my own fear, disappointment, frustration, pain,
humiliation, or that of others, I often remember immediately to let go of the
narratives and story lines that habitually arise, and get in touch with,
and breathe in, the darker
emotional energies emerging in my body. As my chest expands, my heart opens.
Through Practice, I've learned to trust my body and it's process. There, in the Heart of Hearts that we all share, these energies can and will be transmuted.
This certainly seems to make my life -- and the lives of those I encounter -- a lot easier these days.
It just takes Practice.
Originally posted, October 2015. Revised.
(As I was revising this post and preparing to send it along, I received the latest Lion's Roar online newsletter. It was entitled "Cultivate Your Compassion with Tonglen Meditation! If you're interested in learning more about this valuable practice, it contains links to articles by Pema Chodron, Judy Lief, and Carla Beharry and announces an on-line course by Judy Lief. I love the synchronicity!
There is also a brief (11:41) audio Guided Tonglen Meditation by Pema Chodron on YouTube which you may find helpful.