"All
ego really is, is our opinions, which we take to be solid, real, and
the absolute truth about how things are. To have even a few seconds of
doubt about the solidity and absolute truth of our own opinions, just to
begin to see that we do have opinions,
introduces us to the possibility
of egolessness."
-- Pema Chodron
“Do not seek the truth, only cease to cherish your opinions.”
-- Seng-ts’an, Third Zen Patriarch
I
love when the Universe is kind enough to deal the cards to me in a way that makes a specific lesson inescapable. This happened to me in spades on May morning several years back.
Luckily, Hearts were trump.
Following the lead of one the irregular regulars in our Monday Morning Mindfulness Circle, I had been re-reading Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, one chapter a day.
In
that morning's chapter, entitled "Opinions," Pema suggested that noticing and labeling our opinions as "opinion" --
just like noting our thoughts as "thinking"-- can be an extremely helpful practice.
Although, I had read that chapter several times before over the years, this time something clicked.
Taking Note: Some Thoughts about "Thinking"
I
had been meditating on and off for over twenty years before I was introduced to "noting practice" by a teacher in my first retreat at Insight Meditation Society Before
then, I had gravitated toward Zen Buddhism. I had read extensive before practicing regularly at a local Zen center, and attending a a few Sesshins. I'd developed a regular daily practice, and I'd had some fairly compelling experiences both on and
off the zafu.
To be honest, the
instruction to make a mental note -- "thinking" -- whenever I noticed that
thoughts were dominating my attention seemed quite clunky and
intrusive. I hadn't yet come across that in Zen teachings I had heard or read. Being a self-styled "Zennie," with no real formal training. I just shrugged it off. After all wasn't Zazen just zazen? Who needs such"techniques!?"
I
spent the remainder of the ten
day retreat at Insight Meditation Society practicing Shikantaza, the
Soto Zen practice of Just Sitting. As had happened before in intensive retreat, I
was able to access a quality of consciousness that was extremely tranquil yet
crystal clear and highly energized. Being Present in the moment to moment experience of life, I felt a Presence. Mission accomplished.
 |
| Pema Chodron |
Although
meditation had been helpful over the years in bringing a bit more calm and clarity into my life at times, I still struggled quite dramatically in my life.
I had stumbled up the slopes to the mountaintop to get a good glimpse of the Sacred Oneness a number of times -- with and without psychedelics -- but navigating the marketplace of life in the mainstream capitalist maelstrom "successfully" was beyond me.
There were still layers and layers of conditioning that remained unexplored. The wounds of a traumatic childhood, probably augmented by a genetic propensity toward extreme states, continued to propelled me "crash and burn" a number of times.
It
was
another ten years before I was re-introduced to a teaching about noting
practice, this time in Start Where You Are by Pema Chodron.
This time, I was hooked. What made the
difference for me (besides, perhaps, another decade of Practice) was
Pema's guidance to pay close attention to the tone of voice
that was used while making this mental note.
The tone of voice of a thought!!??
Zap!
In the
very next Sitting, I saw clearly that my mind's "tone of voice" was
harsh and judgemental. Following Pema's guidance, I was able to
re-calibrate, take a deep breath, relax, and get in touch with my heart. There, I was able to
find a bit more compassion for myself and make a softer, kinder, mental
note. What had been "THINKING (!!$#@!!)" became a soft, gentle,
"thinking".
It made a difference.
At
that point in my journey, this simple instruction was the gateway to an
ever-unfolding ability to experience and release the energies of fear, frustration, and anger that resided in the substrata of my own ego conditioning. Along
with metta and tonglen practice, this approach to noting practice became a valuable
tool in cultivating a kinder, calmer, less
judgmental quality of consciousness toward myself -- and others.
As
Practice has deepened over the years, I've become more mindful of both
thoughts and feelings. I've seen for myself clearly, again and again,
how we create the appearance of a solid
reality out of thin air. Lost in our thoughts and feelings, as we often
are, the
vast and flowing sacredness of life escapes us. Instead, of
being truly Present, we
are imprisoned in a world
created out of a haphazard hodgepodge of our mental concepts, acquired beliefs, and emotional reactions.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Now,
both on and off the meditation cushion, the
mental note "thinking" (or labeling the nature of thoughts and feelings more specifically, i.e planning, complaining, aching, worrying, etc.) can open the way to a moment of greater clarity and ease. At times, I have literally
made the passage from a self-created hell realm to the magical realm of
the sacred at the instant that I noticed, and noted, that I was "thinking," and opened my gaze to embrace what else was happening.
A Day's Lesson: The Theory and Practice
As I read Pema's suggestion that we consider that most, if not all, of our thinking is merely opinion that morning, something else opened up for me. Of course, I understood this point on an intellectual level. Yet, later that day I was able to see quite clearly how much emotional energy I could invest in clinging to my opinions as the Truth.
I saw how these opinions
could stand between me and a connection to the moment, to myself, to
others, and to the One Love in which we are immersed.
In fact, an
over-identification with these opinions, known as "attachment to view"
in traditional Buddhist teachings, is seen as a common cause of human
suffering. Being a "political activist" for most of my life, I
could see pretty clearly how much of my own ego emerges as deep
attachments to my political opinions. The ego need to be "right," to win the argument, etc. had long been an aspect of my conditioning. If I could be more aware of my attachment to view
I was soon able to put that theory into Practice.
As
it turned out, I ran into an old Zen DharmaBuddhy on the bus later that
morning.
As generally happens we found ourselves in an engaging conversation.
We decided to head to the coffee shop to continue the discussion. As
the
conversation turned to the Presidential elections looming on the horizon, all hell
could
have broken loose.
But it didn't.
Having
just read Pema's presentation, I was primed to see my opinions as opinions. It was easy to see how clinging to them as some sort of
absolute truth would have created something quite different than the what emerged.
Again
and again, I was able to
let go of my own strong, well-rehearsed positions, take a breath, and
let go into the moment. I listened deeply before responding. Paying
attention to what he was saying, what he was feeling, I could sense my
friend's deep caring,
his sincerity, his keen intellect, and his concern for peace. I could
even see the logic of
several of his arguments.
As
it turned out, we actually ended up finding significant areas of
agreement -- although the votes we intended to cast will probably cancel one another out.
(IMHO,
In the great Cosmic Poker Game, Hearts will always trump Trump. LOL)
That
morning, rather
than adding more aggression to the world, which would have been the
inevitable result of
my own clinging to my personal opinions, the Practice allowed us to
share a sense of basic good will, one which Connected us within and
beyond our areas of disagreement.
In
doing that, I believe we channeled a bit more respect and
understanding into this old suffering world. I think its part of the
solution to the plight we find ourselves in. I love it when it
happens.
It just takes Practice.
*Internet jargon for "In My Humble Opinion"
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