"Mindfulness Practice isn't just about escaping to some magical inner realm devoid of life's challenges. The Practice is about getting out of your head enough to engage each moment wholeheartedly. When we are Present in an open, kind, clear, and helpful way, the vast, mysterious, magical reality of life itself becomes self-evident .

Your MMM Courtesy Wake Up Call:
Musings on Life and Practice
by a Longtime Student of Meditation

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Heart to Heart

“The intimacy that arises in listening and speaking truth is only possible 
if we can open to the vulnerability of our own hearts. ”
--- Tara Brach, True Refuge: 
Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart

"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering....."
---from the Fourth Precept of Thich Nhat Hanh's Tien Tiep Order

A friend, who attended  MMM Beginner's Mind and Beyond when a break in her schedule gave her the opportunity, was struck by the openness displayed by folks in the MMM Circle that day.  "Folks were so honest" she said with her eyes glowing a bit "--painfully honest!" I smiled and thought, "Whoo hoo!" --and felt a deep gratitude for what emerges on Monday mornings these days. 

The opportunity to converse openly and honestly about what is nearest to our heart and soul is a rare and precious thing today. In the hustle bustle of our prototypically materialistic society, comparing notes on the Spiritual dimension of our lives doesn't happen all that much.  In fact, when I was a kid we were told not to ever talk about religion--or politics. 

Obviously, I didn't follow the rules.  I majored in political science in college--and have been an avid student of Spirituality for a long, long time.  The wisdom teachings that arise in the mystical traditions of all the world's religions, and how they play out in the reality of our day to day lives is profoundly interesting to me.  I can't think of anything I'd rather yak about.

Of course, communication, in it's true sense, is much more than conversation. 
Communication happens on many levels.  As the Practice unfolds and we become more and more aware of other realms of our own experience, we enter a dimension where feelings are often more important than thoughts, where even subtler energies form the warp and woof of the conversation.  As we bring a clearer awareness and greater kindness to what we encounter in ourselves, we become more capable of being Present for others.  With Practice, we can truly speak and listen from the heart.

As we encounter one another, the care and attention that we bring to what we choose to say is important.  There are many teachings about the power of words to cause injury.  Although on an absolute level the old adage "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" may be true, it doesn't relate to the way we generally experience our world.  Words can and do cause harm.

I think this may be especially true in our society where "judgment mind" and judgmental language seem so pervasive.  We've been deeply conditioned to experience the world as  "good/bad, right/wrong"--with the emotional energies of fear, anger, guilt and shame attached to that separation.  Immersed in those patterns since we were in the womb, most of us have internalized them and turn them on ourselves and others quite automatically.  Without some care and attention and skill (Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication is an excellent tool), we can continue to create a lot of suffering for ourselves and others as our thoughts, laden with judgment and unexamined assumptions, bang around in our heads and emerge from our mouths.

Yet, how we speak is only one half of the equation.  

Deep Listening

It seems to me that how we listen is actually even more important. The quality of attention we bring to bear as someone else is speaking is crucial.  And the Practice enhances our ability to do that.  Listening becomes a very valuable and helpful form of meditation.

As we choose to practice what Thich Nhat Hanh refers to as Deep Listening, the person we are listening to becomes our primary meditation object.  We hold them in the embracing energy of our heartfelt, full attention.  As well as giving us the chance to really hear someone, the energy of that attention will give them the space and the support to communicate. 

As we start looking carefully at the way we listen,  we may discover that a major part of our awareness is locked into "thinking about" what the other person is saying.  Oftentimes, we are automatically creating our response (thinking, thinking) long before we may have actually heard what the other person is really saying.  If we pay attention to what is going on inside of us, we may also notice emotional reactions emerge. Letting go of those thoughts and putting some space around those feelings allows us to return to the meditative art of Deep Listening.  Listening with our eyes and heart as well as our ears, a deeper connection is made.  (Thich Nhat Hanh describes it as listening with "all the cells of your body.")  Going that deep can offer increasing insight into both our common humanity and our exquisite uniqueness -- for both the speaker and listener.

With Practice, such communication can rise to the level of Communion.

For Thich Nhat Hanh's chapter on the fourth precept from Commentaries on the Five Wonderful Precepts (1993) by Thich Nhat Hanh. Copyright 1993:


Originally Published, August 30, 2013

No comments: