Being Real

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
-- Albert Einstein

 
"Compassion and resilience are not, as we might imagine, rarefied human qualities available only to the saintly... In fact, these essential and universally prized human qualities can be solidly cultivated by anyone taking the time to do it." 

-- Norman Zoketzu Fischer,

Trainings in Compassion: Zen Teachings on the Practice of Lojong

Really, Dude?
 

"Yikes.  I did it again," I thought.  

Moments before, I had proclaimed with utter certainty that MY take on what was going on, was absolutely the truth of the matter.  I was even quite uppity about it.  

Then, quite quickly, Reality asserted itself.  

My certitude that my friend was "wrong," and that I was "right," disintegrated in the clear light of a sunny day.  

Duh.

Thankfully, my friend was gracious.  She didn't skewer me for my not immediately noticing the tightness in my chest -- and shutting the fuck up.  

Once again, I had missed the opportunity to pay better attention to the emergence of ego's hard headed clinging to its limited point of view.  I first noticed it in the tension in my voice. Yet, the momentum of ancient patterns had propelled me into a rather strident declaration of the facts at hand.  Then, to make matters worse, I immediately reacted defensively to her questioning my take.

Thankfully, the Universe -- and my friend -- were kind.  No 15 round knock down, drag out, battle ensued. Within a few moments,  I could see quite clearly that I was mistaken.  I had to give it up. 

Whew.  

At this stage of the journey, I actually was grateful for my "mistake." The Universe had pointed out, once again, that who I am at any moment in time can be nothing more, nor anything less, than a bad habit.  I've learned to appreciate those moments.

As a 5'2", 78 year old white, working class, cis, male (an Aries, no less), who emerged from a significantly chaotic and traumatic childhood, I can be a real jerk.  My supercharged need to be "right" is a deeply conditioned way to drive away the demons of existential angst -- and prove my worth.  Yet, these days I can bow to that reality with a grin more readily. It's easier to move on into the next moment with a bit more Presence.

I blame the Practice for that.

The Real Deal

Over the years, it has become more and more obvious to me that much of human life is dictated by habit.  Although it may not feel like it, who we are is not just a fixed, free standing, independently existing, subjective reality.  Our current "point of view" emerges from a cauldron of causes and conditions, many of them beyond our ken -- or control.  Experiencing life through what Albert Einstein called an "optical illusion" of consciousness, it seems that most of us hereabouts have learned to perceive ourselves as fundamentally separate from everything -- and everybody -- else. 

Spending much of our time lost in thought, adrift in conditioned moods, we are driven by a set of deeply ingrained, mostly subconscious (and often contradictory) beliefs about ourselves and the world.  Immersed in these states of mind, we rarely are present to the deepest dimension of life.  Yet, all the while, in the vast silence within and beyond each moment, a sacred reality calls to us.  A boundless expanse of support and potentiality, it's presence energizes all that is.

Yet, we rarely hear it calling.  There's too much noise. 

When we aren't distracting ourselves with one of the myriad external amusements readily available, our inner world is usually a cascading current of thoughts and emotional energies. For some, the restlessness embedded in this noisy jumble will even emerge as bodily fidgits.  

To make matters worse, the noise in our heads resonates with the prevailing noise in the collective consciousness of today's world.  It dominates our attention. Oblivious to the subtle energies dancing within the infinite space of each and every moment, we don't experience our fundamental unity with all that is, has been, and ever could be.  We don't experience our connection to the One Love that is the ever-unfolding source, sustaining energy, and destination of all life.  

Amazingly, this fundamental sense of disconnect is nothing more --and nothing less than -- a bad habit.  

Embedded in that habit is the deep disquiet of what some have called existential angst. Most often, a restlessness for relief creates layers of addictive patterns to fill the void. Each is a grasping, an attempt to find happiness in all the wrong places.  Buddha described this as the cause of all human suffering.

So, it's no surprise that we creatures of habit find ourselves in tough straits. Each of us is awash in a culture where capitalism, scientific materialism, and a dysfunctional religious dogma have been woven into most every nook and cranny of human life -- for centuries.  The individual and collective subconscious of generations of human beings have been increasingly conditioned to create and feed this habitual sense of separation.  This pervasive "us vs them"mentality creates our day to day life as the individual struggle it appears to be.

Yet, all the while, in the still and silent space of our Heart of Hearts, the fundamental connection exists.  As we come to rest in the warmth of an open heart and clarity of open awareness, it becomes mysteriously clear.  We are not separate from the One Love.  From there, moment to moment, emerges a way of being that is truly clear, calm, kind, compassionate and wise.  This basic goodness is our True Nature. 
 

But, here's the rub.

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Getting Real

 

For most of us, freeing ourselves of the conditioning of a lifetime doesn't just happen spontaneously.  At a certain point, I had to choose to turn away from the myriad distractions of daily living and turn toward the silent longing in my heart that I'd learned to run away from.  As countless sages, seers, and saints have done throughout the ages, I had to turn toward the spiritual dimension of existence. In my case, I had to learn how to sit still and really pay attention.

It seems to me that, more than anything, a spiritual practice -- the process of meditation in particular -- is an effort to move beyond the illusion of separation.

 

To do this, we must make what was subconscious, conscious.  With Practice, the conditioned patterns that lead us to experience our lives solely as individuals, can be seen for what they are.  With commitment, time, effort, gentle persistence and patience, we are increasingly free to experience life differently.  

 

In fact, one may even have a direct perception of Ultimate Reality.   

 

Yet, once you've shinnied up that flagpole, you see that you are not only "your brother's keeper," you are your brother. And your sister.  In fact, you are the lilies of the field, the sun, the moon, and rainbow's end.  Then you also see that you are the sparrow falling -- and the planet aching.  

So what then?

 

When I saw clearly the exquisite grandeur -- and the problematic nature -- of the human condition, it totally blew my mind. 

 

Yet, I then came to realize that this was only the beginning, not the destination.  A blown mind wasn't enough.  I had to learn how to Love more completely. This is no mean feat. I had to be willing to let my heart break. Again and again and again. 

 

Now, decades later, I'm still not done.  On the grand stage of life, I've found that getting my act together is a lifelong adventure.  It continues to take commitment, time, effort, gentle persistence, and patience. 

 

That's the heart of the Bodhisattva Vows. I know now that they've been central to my life -- even before I heard of them.  For decades now, at the end of my daily morning sit, I recite these four commitments three times, bow -- and take the leap. 

 

It's a tough job, but with a world that appears to be heading to hell in a hand basket, somebody's got to do it, right?

It just takes Practice.

 

What are you up to?

PS.  I'd love to hear from you about what comes up for you as read this piece. I've found that comparing notes on our experiences of the spiritual path has been helpful over the years.  You can reply in a comment to this piece publicly here,  or privately by emailing me at thishazymoon@gmail.com

For Now,

For One and All,

One Love,

Lance