Love. Love. Love

"The moment we give rise to the desire for all beings to be happy and at peace, the energy of love arises in our minds, and all our feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness is permeated by love: in fact, they become love."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh, Teachings on Love

"All you need is love."

-- The Beatles

We have it on good authority. 

Buddha and Jesus, as well as many other sages and saints throughout the ages, seem to agree with the Hippies -- and the Beatles.  In the final analysis: All you need is Love.  

That seems simple enough.

So, what's the problem? Why are so many folks suffering?  Why does the world appear to be going to hell in the proverbial hand basket? 

First of all, what many folks have learned to believe is love, the terrain of much music and Hollywood Movies -- isn't necessarily the love that the wisdom teachings cherish.  What is presented as "love" is usually a very human blend of desire, biological attraction, suffering, and rigid attachment.  It's pretty clear that "I love you so much that I'll kill anyone who looks at you, then you, then myself!" is not exactly what JC, Buddha, and the others had in mind, right?

It seems to me that the form of "love"that our culture promotes has a lot more to do with fulfilling one's own individual ego needs for sex, security, status, and self-esteem than the quality of consciousness that the mystics of the world's wisdom traditions proclaimed.  True Love (the term used by Thich Nhat Hanh in book by that title.) is not the profound passionate grasping of deep attachment. It is much grander than that.   It is a deep Connection to all that is.

 
True Love emerges from what I've learned to call the Awakened Heart. (A grateful bow to Thich Nhat Hanh, and Pema Chodron for that.)  It is our human connection to the One Love that exists beyond the illusion of disconnection that characterizes the realm of relative reality.  Flowing from and returning to our Interconnection and our Oneness, True Love then can emerge in our relationships with others as the essential kindness, compassion, clarity and joy that glow in our heart of hearts. 

Unlike the common contemporary understanding that views love as something we just fall into and-- all too often -- out of, in the Buddhist tradition, love is seen as an inherent quality of human consciousness.  In fact, in the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, it is who we are at the deepest level. As such, True Love can be intentionally cultivated.  In our relationships, we may stumble into glimpses of Sacred Oneness through an intimate connection to "the other" in a romantic relationship -- especially in its initial honeymoon phase.  Yet, ultimately, True Love emerges from a fundamental choice to embrace Life itself in a different way. 

 

This is no mean feat. 

Although this realization can happen with the very next breath, the process of actually becoming a loving person generally doesn't just happen.  It is a Practice.  Erich Fromm characterized it as an art in his classic work, The Art of Loving.  Like any discipline, True Love takes commitment, a set of skills, effort, persistence -- and patience. 
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Cultivating True Love

In the Brahmavihara Practices of Buddhism, True Love is presented as having four qualities: kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and the freedom of equanimity.  Known as the Four Immeasurables, Divine Abodes, or Sublime Qualities," each flows from our Connection to  One Love.  Each can be explored and developed in deep and lasting ways on the meditation cushion -- and the results will effect our thoughts, words, and actions in the course of our day to day lives as well. 

The Brahmavihara Practices practiced by teachers in the Theravadan tradition and others use silent mental recitations as the primary focus of meditation.  Perhaps, the most familiar is the widely known "May all beings be happy." Although the specific translations of the phrases used to cultivate each of the qualities of True Love vary among the various traditions and teachers, generally a practitioner is instructed to begin with oneself (May I be...), then move to a specific loved one,  (May you be...), then move outward through other individuals and chosen groupings.  It is then expanded to include to all beings. 

 
In some schools, this process is taught as seven stages. We move from ourselves, to special "loved ones", then friends, then neutral persons, then "enemies."  We then envision groups of people in chosen categories.  We then expand the focus outward to encompass all beings.  Although the traditional phrases used can be useful, I've also found it quite helpful to put the aspirations into my own words as well.  This is especially true when I focus on someone who I know well.  (I try to keep it real as I radiate the invisible energy of love to them. LOL)

 

These mental recitations are not the same as affirmations.  They are not a form of self-hypnosis.  Although part of one's attention is focused on the statements that articulate one's aspirations, some attention is also focused on what else occurs in one's body and emotions.  Although feelings of warmth and goodwill may immediately emerge, when we turn our focus to more challenging relationships, they may not!

Yet, our willingness to be present for the troublesome feelings and resistances that may arise is important.  Becoming mindful of these and relaxing to hold them with some degree of gentle kindness towards ourselves before returning the focus toward others is a means, in itself, of cultivating an open heart.  In fact, this appears especially important here in the West.  Unlike traditional Asian cultures, the phenomenon of "negative self-esteem"is of widespread concern.  Cultivating "unconditional friendliness towards ourselves" as Pema Chodron characterizes it, is seen as crucial.

In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, where visualization practices are widely practiced, the recitations are accompanied by various mental images including radiating the light of your love from your heart outward to the person or groupings you focus on.  A useful variation of this approach is being taught by an American teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, John Makransky, and others.  He suggests first getting in touch with the warm feelings that one may have toward a "benefactor," a person who has touched us deeply with their own kindness and supportive attention.  By bringing to mind a memory of the "warm-heartednss" we felt in the presence of a person in our life who really cared for us, we are set to engage the practice of feeling and radiating the energy of that emotional state of consciousness outwards as a visualization or imagining. 

 

If something in this approach draws you at all, there are a gazillion resources available in print and on the web. 

 

Over time, the focus and concentration involved with staying with these practices will bear fruit for many folks.  The dedicated "time on task" of being present for the entire experience, will have its own effect in establishing a calmer, kinder, more compassionate, and more spacious quality of mind.   

For many, this practice works -- if you work it.

And in the End

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -- The Beatles

Papa Lance and Grand Babe Keaton Izzy 2015

I'm grateful all the teachers and teachings that have brought these practices into my life. At age 78, I can honestly say that I am a much more consistently kind, clear, and compassionate human being than I was in the past.  

I still lose it all too often, of course.  A day doesn't pass without me noticing times that I could have responded with more kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity than I did.  Yet, there has been a deepening ability to see that, to experience a compassionate understanding of how and why it happens -- and move into the next moment more easily with greater kindness and care.

It just takes Practice.  

May all beings know True Love.

(Here's a brief collection of phrases used in Brahmavihara Practice)