"Mindfulness and Meditation allow us to open our hearts, relax our bodies, and clear our minds enough to experience the vast, mysterious, sacred reality of life directly. With Practice we come to know for ourselves that eternity is available in each moment.

Your MMM Courtesy Wake Up Call:
Musings on Life and Practice
by a Longtime Student of Meditation

Sunday, October 6, 2024

Time for a Good Cry?

 

“Crying is one of the highest devotional songs. One who knows crying, knows spiritual practice. If you can cry with a pure heart, nothing else compares to such a prayer.  Crying includes all the principles of Yoga.”
― Swami Kripalvanandji


“In the Lakota/Sioux tradition, a person who is grieving is considered 
most Wakan, most holy."
Tara Brach,
True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart 


Emmett Kelly 1898 - 1979

 
Some time ago, I came across the quote by Swami Kripalvanandji cited above.  Following my intuition, I immediately emailed it to a dear friend who was having a rough time.

She called me later to tell me it helped -- a lot.  After reading it, she immediately headed out to her garden to have a good cry.  She said it was exactly what she needed. 

Big Boys (Girls) Don't Cry
 
It seems that most of us have learned to avoid crying like the plague.  Widely viewed in our society as a sign of unacceptable weakness and frailty, we are conditioned to keep a stiff upper lip.  Hardening our hearts, we learn to steel ourselves against this natural expression of human feeling.  Although this conditioning is considered to be a "male," thing, most of the women I know often fight back their tears as well.  (Strain's of the Four Seasons singing "Big Girls Don't Cry-yay-yay"just ran through my inner iPod)

Hmmmm.  Maybe I shouldn't plunge ahead here.  I might get in trouble... 
 
Although I'm an amateur and would never charge a fee for just sitting still and comparing notes with folks on our experiences, I might get sued by the Commercial Mindfulness $$$ Cartel.  Although the pro's may give a nod to Buddha's first noble truth, acknowledging that suffering is baked into the human condition, they tend to skip right ahead to Buddha's Third Noble Truth.  
 
The Cessation of Suffering is the major pitch of most of the marketing campaigns.  In the Western world, where the evolution of Buddhism (and other eastern mystical traditions) has taken place mostly among the most affluent sectors of society, the Upper Middle Way predominates.  Freedom isn't free. The priceless Teachings come with a price tag.  Some even promise a weekend retreat at a high priced resort somewhere may just do the trick!
 
Yet,  the Practice involves something much deeper than that. For sure,  you aren't likely to see any glitzy promotional commercials proclaiming:
Mindfulness Practice: Guaranteed to Make You Cry!   
 
It might be bad for business.

And yet...
(READ MORE)
Over the years, it has become quite clear to me (and many others*), that the naturally occurring emotional pain of human life doesn't cause our suffering.  It really is just what it is.  For the most part, it is our conditioned resistance to the pain that causes suffering.  Adrift in the pervasive conditioning of today's society, we shut down.  Our hearts become closed.   We lose our connection to ourselves, to one another, and to the Unlimited Source. We loose our ability to live wholeheartedly.
 
Yet it doesn't have to be that way.  With Practice, we increasingly learn to face life with honesty, an open heart, and a clear mind.  In special moments, the veil parts, and we align with the ever-present Heart of Awareness.  There, in the arms of Unconditioned and Unconditional Love, Reality Asserts Itself.  Sometimes, it will announce its Presence through a flood of tears.

A Good Cry

Pain, sorrow, and grief will naturally emerge as we open to and embrace the infinite permutations of Life and Death that are inherent in the human condition.  Yet, most of us have been conditioned to shield our hearts.  Our hearts become armored with layers of unexpressed pain, anger, and fear.  
 
To make matters worse, the pervasive conditioning in our culture tends to channel this subconscious energy into patterns that cause even more pain.  The calcified subterranean emotions are projected outward to generate and thrive on story lines full of blame and judgment.  Ultimately, this energy fuels the cycle of violence the grips so much of the world.  It's why we are in the mess we are in today.  
 
Yet, it doesn't have to be that way.  Over time, with courage, gentle effort, and patience, we can allow the armor to melt, and untie the knots in our minds and bodies.  Over time, we can free ourselves from being dominated by this conditioning. 
 
Archbishop Desmond Tutu at Truth and Reconciliation Hearing 1996
Through Practice,  our hearts and our bodies will be freed to respond authentically to the immediacy of the moment.  As our heart open, the honest tears of grief will flow more readily.  As they do, we will find that tears of joy and gratitude will emerge more freely as well.  Such is the path of an Awakened Heart.
 
Opening to the tears, accepting and embracing Life As It Is, moment to moment, changes everything.  We regain our fundamental Connection to ourselves, to one another, and to the One Love that exists within and beyond all that is.

Opening to the Darkness, we open to the Light!  How cool is that?  
 
It just takes Practice.

 * The tears I shed during the course of a five-day retreat led by the late Stephen Levine and his wife Ondrea decades ago were among the most healing moments of my life.  Levine's talent at crafting guided meditations capable of "opening the heart" was amazing.   
 
The work of the venerable teacher and activist  JoAnna Macy also helped me to heal through embracing my grief skillfully and honor it as an aspect of our essential interdependence with all life.  I'm so grateful to have lived at a time that I was able to experience her Presence up close and personal.  (See  Your MMM Courtesy Wake Up Call: Good Grief.)

Originally Posted, May 15, 2015.  Revised.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for re-surfacing this, Lance. It finds me at a time in my life when I'm crying much more frequently, and I DO find it to be a good and "growthful" thing.

I begin each day with what used to be an attempt at meditation, but has morphed into a short reminder of my daily intentions. Early on in my list, I remind myself to be fully present in the Reality within me and without me:

"I will feel Joy and Sorrow."

I can't imagine how one can really exist without the other; they're both manifestations of Empathy, sometimes for one's deserving self, and more often (by frequency) for the deserving Universe of people and things and events in which we find ourselves immersed.

This "thought-road" is inviting me to explore many related paths, but I can do that privately, and likely will when I find myself sitting waist-deep in the leaves and pine needles of the season later today; for now, it will just pop in here as this brief(ish) statement of solidarity: I Grok you, Brother.

Anonymous said...

Lance, thankyou for these wise words. I also find tears extremely healing. Often through tears, I'm able to open the door to my heart, and to feel compassion for myself and others.
Lorraine

Anonymous said...

Hi Lance,
Yes I find myself becoming more sad in the autumn too. I think it is partly due to diminishing sunlight which affects the neurotransmitters. It is seeing my beloved plants in my garden wilting and dying that reminds me of my own mortality. I think

Anonymous said...

It might be necessary grief work in the process of letting go of life. Praying constantly and knowing God is near helps tremendously.

Lance Smith said...

Thanks for this thoughtful sharing -- of course, the Anonymity of the comment has me wondering exactly who you are. Of course, I wonder that about myself as well! LOL Thanks for the image of sitting waist-deep in leaves and pine needles -- and for the solidarity, the Grokking!

Lance Smith said...

Thank you for being the open-hearted, kind, and compassionate human being that you are, Lorraine. I'm grateful for your Presence in the MMM Circles, Sister L.

Lance Smith said...

It's seems that many of us do experience these seasonal shifts. I get a good sense of that as I meet with others to compare notes on Life and Practice most days.

I suppose there are many explanations -- including our existence as interconnected beings (human and otherwise) flowing in one another's vibrational energy. That idea, of course, isn't given much credence in a society mired in several centuries of scientific materialism. Yet, when I can just sit still and allow the elements of my own stirred pot to settle, this subtle heart connection sings in silent harmony with the wilting and the dying of this season. When tears flow in the process, it isn't clear to me whether it's grief or gratitude I'm experiencing. There is simply the experience of Love. It's heights and depths appear to transcend such dualities.

The lines of one of our generation's spiritual hymns comes to mind. "We are stardust. We are golden. And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden"
And, of course, in that Garden, in the wake of summer's bountiful blaze of ripeness and color, there will be dying and wilting. Just as certainly, there will be winter's frozen dawnscapes shimmering with diamonds in the snow. Even then, the roots and seeds of Springtime's resurrection are present, biding their time. In the loving embrace of the Eternal Now, all of the dance of life and death is Present -- when we are.

Lance Smith said...

Yes. Grief appears to be necessary for those of us fortunate enough to have stumbled into the sacred reality of One Love. I watched my dad flow through bursts of tears in the final month of his life as he was "knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door." I wish I would have had the insights and skills to be there more completely for him (and myself) at the time. That being said, I've come to trust in the unconditional forgiveness that presents itself in each moment that we are graced with an open heart and clear mind. Thank you for your knowing and your prayers. Contrary to a large pool of "conventional wisdom" IT ALL MATTERS!

MaryRose said...

I too experienced being with my dying mother 15 years ago and cherish the memories of us crying together. I long to cry more and value the cleansing effect when my heart opens to the sadness and to the joy. Bless you Lance for bringing this to our attention.