“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love
will have the final word in reality... Man must evolve for all conflict
a method that rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation.
The foundation of such a method is love.”
-- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment,
our
understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be
filled
with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”
―
Thích Nhất Hạnh
(I began working on this post last week, and life being life, it took me until now to get back to it. )
I awoke this morning stiff and sore, a bit out of sorts. Even though
Springtime is whispering in our ears, Mother Nature continues to hold on
tight. Here in Western Massachusetts, the world emerged from single
digit temperatures overnight to pummel us with sleet and snow this
afternoon.
Although, I seem to have recovered from a respiratory bug that
slammed me last week, my nearly 80 year old body, with its failing
eyesight, bevy of inflammations, dental difficulties, and achy joints
still needs a lot of rest, maintenance time, and careful attention.
As I plodded slowly
toward the bathroom, the whole world -- inner and outer -- seemed shrouded in gray tones of doom and gloom.
Images
of my inevitable, if not
imminent, demise floated through my mind as I limped along. Through the
wonders of modern medical science, I've already beat the genetic odds
of my lineage. My dad was dead at 61. His dad was gone at 57. Although
I no longer fear death, the thought of leaving this plane of existence
still mostly sucks.
There
were times in
my life that beginning the day in this frame of mind on a frigid late
winter morning would have thrown me for a loop. A dark mood and dark
thoughts would have wrapped themselves
around one another and held onto one another tightly -- sometimes for
hours, sometimes for days. Sometimes for weeks at a time.
In fact, there were times
in my life that I spiraled down into deep depression, seemingly unbearable anxiety, and total burn-out.
That was then. This is now.
This
morning, as I have done most mornings for decades, I brushed my teeth,
washed my face. took a deep breath, and felt my heart open and expand.
Then, with compassion and curiosity, I looked my mirror image straight
in the eye for a moment or two. Then, I wobbled to the altar. There, I
spent a few moments in a sequence of ritual prayers and bows. Then, as
I've done for decades, I lowered myself to the zafu and Simply Sat
Still.
Within moments, it was different.
There in my little corner of
the world, with my body comfortable
and upright on the meditation cushion, with eyes open and unfocused, I floated
on the breath of Practice. In the expansive gaze of open awareness, I
relaxed and watched as ripples
of thought, images, feelings, and bodily sensations emerged and
dissipated along
the surface of a clear, calm, vast pool of bright spacious awareness.
Simply Sitting Still, no longer grasping or pushing away what I was
experiencing, I breathed,
relaxed, softened, and opened.
Soon, I was aware
that a lot of old coots were feeling the aches and pains and sadness of
aging, as well. I knew that these types of bodily pain, these emotional
clouds of doom and gloom are being experienced by countless other human
beings -- at that very moment. Breathing in, I relaxed and opened to the pain.
As
I have learned to do in Tonglen Practice, I allowed the painful bodily
sensations and emotional energies to emerge and breathed them directly
into my heart chakra. There, in my heart of hearts, the
gracious spaciousness of Open Awareness welcomed this sea of
sensations. There, the One Love that exists within and beyond all that
is embraced, and was embraced, merging with my sincere aspiration for our
collective healing. Breath by breath, the dark ripples of
painful energy began to dissipate and dissolve. I stayed with it,
simply breathing through the sensations.
Soon, with each out breath, I
was able to radiate my heartfelt aspirations for peace, liberation, and
healing. At times, images of individuals would arise in my mind's eye
and variations of the traditional metta meditations emerged as thoughts
(May we (he, she, they, etc.) be free from suffering, May we be at
peace, etc.) At times, I visualized this energy as light radiating in
all directions.
After awhile, I returned to Simply Sitting Still. Present to each moment's experience, an open, loving Presence emerged.
If At First You Don't Succeed
Tonglen
Practice has been part of my meditation toolkit since 2006. After two
decades it continues to evolve. Since the thrust of individual and
collective conditioning in this hyper capitalist age propels most of us
to reflexively reject painful experiences, the habit to do so is
strong. Creating new neural pathways through Tonglen has taken,
commitment, effort, time -- and patience. Lots of patience.
Sometimes tears will emerge as I practice Tonglen. This, I've found, is actually a good thing. I've come to trust those tears. They are the body's natural response to the grief that is inherent in the human
condition. Released, the tears wash away the hardness of heart that I'd
been taught to wear as a shield against the painful aspects of life.
As tears flow, the armoring around the heart melts.
As
this happens, there are times that a deep sense of gratitude and wonder
emerges within the tears. There, a boundless and mysterious One Love
emerges to embrace both grief and gratitude. In those moments, there is
nothing left to do. Simply being present is enough.
Yet,
the impact of our conditioning, individual and collective, is
formidable. Over the years, I've found that, at times, life will serve
up situations that produce emotional energies that are quite
overwhelming. Having been deeply touched by the teachings of Pema Chodron (through her writings and on-line presence), I've come to see that being gentle with myself is crucial. There are times that the most skillful approach is to drop Tonglen and focus my attention elsewhere.
Sometimes,
I will zero in on the sights and sounds of the space around me.
Sometimes, I will tighten my focus by returning to counting my breaths, a
mantra, or metta recitations. Sometimes, I need to get off my tail and
go outside for a good walk.
And yes, there are those times. Sometimes it is best to just drop the whole project and cue up a
movie or a sitcom and sit down with a bowl of popcorn!
Yet, this morning, I
persisted. Strong emotions, emerged. Then, without a clear decision,
Tonglen Practice emerged. Then, after a time, it receded. I Simply Sat
Still in the heart of open awareness again. There, the sights
and sounds of traffic outside the window moved within a still pool of
silence so deep that the bottom disappeared from view.
Breathing
in. Breathing out. I floated on effortlessly. The hour flew by. The
closing bells on my iPhone rang. I recited the Four Bodhisattva Vows as I have done for decades -- and rose to face the day.
But, that was then, this is now.
In Real Time
Here
I am, sitting at this old Mac Laptop watching letters and words tap
dance across
the screen. Remembering, I take a couple of deep conscious breaths. I
sit up a bit straighter, relax my shoulders, feel my feel on the floor.
The center of my attention returns to my heart. I come to my senses. Settling into a fuller awareness of the sights and
sounds and sensations and gracious spaciousness of Life as it emerges moment to moment, I relax and open.
At
this point, words seem to just appear and find their way through my
fingers into the screen. It's quite mysterious really. Being present, I
feel a Presence. It glows with crystalline clarity. Here, the Sacred and the Ordinary dance hand in hand.
So, now what?
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