Space: The Final Frontier

 “When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space.”
― Pema Chödrön

 

“Fundamentally​, there is just open space, the basic ground, what we really are. Our most fundamental state of mind, before the creation of ego, is such that there is basic openness, basic freedom, a spacious quality; and we have now and have always had this openness.​" 

-- Chogyam Trungpa

  

When I growing up, being called a "space cadet" was not a good thing.  Unless you were an astronaut-in-training at NASA (or, perhaps, a Trekkie), the term was a put-down.  The folks who didn't pay a lot of attention to the seemingly endless concerns and activities of high school and college life?  They just weren't "cool."

Although I didn't realize it at the time, some of these space cadets were actually marching, perhaps even dancing, to the beat of a different drummer.  In doing so, they had a leg up on the rest of us.

Why?

Our legs were fully engaged spinning the hamster wheel of an invisible, but very captivating, mind cage.  Scrambling to conform to the rat race of the "real world," we couldn't afford to just space out.

Compelled by our thoughts and feelings about doing it right, going for the gold, being all we can be, etc., most of us were continually trying to get with the program presented to us in a culture steeped in capitalism, scientific materialism, racism, and the other "ism's" that serve to oppress the human spirit. 

From the time we woke up until the time we fell asleep, we were being conditioned by the world around us to disregard the spiritual dimension of life.

Sadly, most of us internalized the values and norms the mainstream society long before we had the experience or the skills to realize what was happening.   We didn't see that our society's "conventional reality" was a house built on the ever-shifting sands of what the Buddhist call the eight worldly concerns.   

 Rather than taking the time to "consider the lilies" as Jesus had counseled and explore the spiritual dimension of our lives, we became increasingly fixated on the material and psychological "needs" presented to us by the mass culture.  

Some of us, like me, deeply wounded in childhood, were racing to escape the anathema of being called a "loser."  So,  "taking no anxious thought about tomorrow" never crossed our minds.  Achieving, succeeding, and winning became everything. 

The space cadet seemed not to take such things that seriously.  It seemed that he or she could frequently let go, relax -- and journey elsewhere.  

Aboard the Starship Enterprise

These days, I will gladly accept the title of space cadet.  I've found that space, what some folks call "inner space," is the final frontier.  In fact, as we voyage in the present moment to the precise edge of this ever-unfolding frontier, we see that inner and outer space are merely concepts.  In the gracious spaciousness of Mindful Awareness, each duality appears as two sides of the same coin.  In the embrace of impermanence, that coin is flipping eternally though a boundless One Love.  In this realm, heads and tails may exist -- but there is no winning or losing. 

Once I got a taste of the boundless and infinitely forgiving space at the heart of reality, I knew that I was all in.  Although I've had some crash landings and have encountered some space monsters over the years,  I'm grateful to have signed on for the voyage.  Most every morning, I choose to step off the hamster wheel -- and go into free fall.  I simply sit still for a swath of time.  

Some people call what I do meditation. 
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Love. Love. Love.

"The moment we give rise to the desire for all beings to be happy and at peace, the energy of love arises in our minds, and all our feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness is permeated by love: in fact, they become love."

-- Thich Nhat Hanh, Teachings on Love

"All you need is love."

-- The Beatles

We have it on good authority.

Buddha and Jesus, as well as many other sages and saints throughout the ages, seem to agree with the Hippies -- and the Beatles.  In the final analysis: All you need is Love.  

That seems simple enough.

So, what's the problem? Why are so many folks suffering and why does the world appear to be going to hell in the proverbial hand basket? 

First of all, what many folks have learned to believe is love, the terrain of much music and Hollywood Movies -- isn't love.  What is presented as love is a very human blend of desire, biological attraction, and attachment.  It's pretty clear that "I love you so much that I'll kill anyone who looks at you, then you, then myself." is not exactly what JC, Buddha and others had in mind, right?

The form of "love" that our culture promotes has a lot more to do with fulfilling one's own individual ego needs for sex, security, status, and self-esteem than the quality of consciousness that emerges from what American Buddhist Teacher Pema Chodron calls an Awakened Heart.  True Love is not the profound passionate grasping of deep attachment. True Love is much grander than that.  

True Love emerges, and is essentially inseparable from, Pure Being.  It is identical to the One Love that exists beyond the illusion of disconnection that characterizes the realm of relative reality.  Flowing from and returning to our Essential Oneness, True Love emerges as the compassion, joy, ease, and clarity that exists in our heart of hearts. 

Unlike the common contemporary understanding that views love as something we just fall into (and, so often, out of),  in the Buddhist tradition, love is seen as a aspect of consciousness.  Our connection to that love can be intentionally cultivated.  Although we may stumble into glimpses of Oneness through an intimate connection to "the other" in a romantic relationship -- especially in its initial honeymoon phase -- ultimately, True Love emerges from a fundamental choice to embrace Life itself, to let go of who we think we are and open our hearts and minds to the actual experience of the present moment.  

Although this can happen with the very next breath, the process of actually becoming a loving person generally doesn't just happen.  It is a Practice.  Erich Fromm characterized it as an art in his classic work, The Art of Loving.  Like any discipline, True Love takes commitment, a set of skills, effort, persistence -- and patience. 
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Being Real

 

“A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space.  He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.  This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.  Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”
-- Albert Einstein

 
"Compassion and resilience are not, as we might imagine, rarefied human qualities available only to the saintly... In fact, these essential and universally prized human qualities can be solidly cultivated by anyone taking the time to do it." 

-- Norman Zoketzu Fischer,

Trainings in Compassion: Zen Teachings on the Practice of Lojong

Really, Dude?
 

"Yikes.  I did it again," I thought.  

Moments before, I had proclaimed with utter certainty that MY take on what was going on, was absolutely the truth of the matter.  I was even quite uppity about it.  

Then, quite quickly, Reality asserted itself.  

My certitude that my friend was "wrong," and that I was "right," disintegrated in the clear light of a sunny day.  

Duh.

Thankfully, my friend was gracious.  She didn't skewer me for my not immediately noticing the tightness in my chest -- and shutting the fuck up.  

Once again, I had missed the opportunity to pay better attention to the emergence of ego's hard headed clinging to its limited point of view.  I first noticed it in the tension in my voice. Yet, the momentum of ancient patterns had propelled me into a rather strident declaration of the facts at hand.  Then, to make matters worse, I immediately reacted defensively to her questioning my take.

Thankfully, the Universe -- and my friend -- were kind.  No 15 round knock down, drag out, battle ensued. Within a few moments,  I could see quite clearly that I was mistaken.  I had to give it up. 

Whew.  

At this stage of the journey, I actually was grateful for my "mistake." The Universe had pointed out, once again, that who I am at any moment in time can be nothing more, nor anything less, than a bad habit.  I've learned to appreciate those moments.

As a 5'2", 79 year old white, working class, cis, male (an Aries, no less), who emerged from a significantly chaotic and traumatic childhood, I can be a real jerk.  My supercharged need to be "right" is a deeply conditioned way to drive away the demons of existential angst -- and prove my worth.  Yet, these days I can bow to that reality with a grin more readily. It's easier to move on into the next moment with a bit more Presence.

I blame the Practice for that.

The Real Deal

Over the years, it has become more and more obvious to me that much of human life is dictated by habit.  Although it may not feel like it, who we are is not a fixed, free standing, independently existing, subjective reality.  Our current "point of view" emerges from a cauldron of causes and conditions, many of them beyond our ken -- or control.  We experience life through what Albert Einstein called an "optical illusion" of human consciousness.  We've learned to perceive ourselves as fundamentally separate from everything -- and everybody -- else. 

Spending much of our time lost in thought, adrift in habitual moods, we are driven by a set of deeply ingrained, mostly subconscious (and often contradictory) beliefs about ourselves and the world.  Immersed in these states of mind, we rarely are present to the deepest dimension of our lives.  Yet, all the while, in the vast silence within and beyond each moment, a sacred reality calls to us.  A boundless expanse of support and potentiality, it's presence energizes all that is.

Yet, we rarely hear it calling.  There's too much noise. 

When we aren't distracting ourselves with one of the myriad external amusements readily available, our inner world is usually a cascading current of thoughts and emotional energies. For some, the restlessness embedded in this noisy jumble will even emerge as bodily fidgits.  

To make matters worse, the noise in our heads resonates with the prevailing noise in the collective consciousness of today's world.  It dominates our attention. Oblivious to the subtle energies dancing within the infinite space of each and every moment, we don't experience our fundamental unity with all that is, has been, and ever could be.  We don't experience our connection to the One Love that is the ever-unfolding source, sustaining energy, and destination of all life.  

Thankfully, this fundamental sense of disconnect is nothing more --and nothing less than -- a bad habit.  

Embedded in that habit is the deep disquiet of what some have called existential angst. Most often, a restlessness for relief creates layers of addictive patterns to fill the void. Each is a grasping, an attempt to find happiness in all the wrong places.  Buddha described this as the cause of all human suffering.

So, it's no surprise that we creatures of habit find ourselves in tough straits. Each of us is awash in a culture where capitalism, scientific materialism, and a dysfunctional religious dogma have been woven into most every nook and cranny of human life -- for centuries.  The individual and collective subconscious of generations of human beings have been increasingly conditioned to create and feed this habitual sense of separation.  This pervasive "us vs them"mentality creates our day to day life as the individual struggle it appears to be.

Yet, all the while, in the still and silent space of our Heart of Hearts, the fundamental connection exists.  As we come to rest in the warmth of an open heart and clarity of open awareness, it becomes mysteriously clear.  We are not separate from the One Love.  From there, moment to moment, emerges a way of being that is truly clear, calm, kind, compassionate and wise.  This basic goodness is our True Nature. 
 

But, here's the rub.

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Lighten Up!

"The key to feeling at home with your body, mind and emotions, to feeling worthy to live on this planet, comes from being able to lighten up. When your aspiration is to lighten up, you begin to have a sense of humor. Things just keep popping 

your serious state of mind."

---Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

"Get your mind unbound and free; and then from the loosest, highest, best place you have, with the fastest and most humorous mind you can get together, you can reach out and make a try at understanding Spirit."

---Stephen Gaskin, This Season's People

All too often, it seems like those of us who are sincere spiritual seekers can get a bit too stodgy, a bit too stiff, a bit too serious about it all.  

 

It's not surprising, I suppose.

Although it's true that some of the folks drawn to Buddhism had experienced lives of relative comfort, achievement, and success (before realizing that there was still something lacking,) I think many folks were like me. I'd had a hard go of it.  

 

Growing up in what the psychiatrist, addictions specialist, author and teacher Dr. Gabor Mate describes as a toxic culture, my life, like the lives of many of us had included serious trauma.  I just about ace'd the freakin' ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) test!

 

So, when I stumbled across Buddha's Four Noble Truth's I was transfixed.  The First Noble Truth -- that Suffering is inherent in the impermanence of the human condition -- rang True.  I knew suffering to be real in my life.   

 

The Buddha's witnessing of sickness, old age, and death were part of my experience.  My grandmother disintegrated as she lost her bout with cancer.  A special friend disappeared from the school playground because of a failed tonsillectomy.  And beyond these examples of the universal human condition, my childhood had been especially chaotic and troubling.

 

By the time I was six, I had witnessed my mother being swept up into extreme mental states and behaviors.  She disappeared from my life for large swathes of time.  Each time she was hospitalized in a state institution, my father's inability to work full-time and take care of four children (three under the age of 6, the first time) led to him finding"foster" settings -- seemingly with families that just needed the money.  I experienced sexual abuse in each.  

Although my inherent capacity to experience the wonders of childhood curiosity, exploration, and discovery remained intact (most often while wandering around alone), I suffered through a revolving door of frightening and painful experiences throughout elementary school and junior high school.  

During that time Mom would get well and the three youngest would return to live with her.  Then, she would get "unwell" -- and we were off to live with strangers.  Then she would be fine.  And then she wasn't.  My world was a kaleidoscopic swirl of new teachers, new schools, new homes, new "families," detention centers, truant officers, social workers -- and police officers.  I was touched by the kindness of some.  I wasn't touched so kindly by others.

Extremely sensitive ( my radar had been fine-tuned to Mom's moods to know when to seek safety), I also saw and felt suffering in the folks around me -- whether expressed or not.  So many folks seemed unhappy, frightened, angry, sad.

I also saw suffering in the larger world around me as it played out in the stark black and white of television.  The mystery, cowboy, and army shows bristled with malevolence, murder, and mayhem.  The television news was probably even worse because it purported to be real.  

The First Noble Truth? Suffering part of life? Check. I read on.  

When I discovered that the man known as the Buddha asserted that there was a specific cause for suffering, I was intrigued.  Then, when he proclaimed that there was a freaking way out of suffering,  I was hooked! 

Seriously? Damn! Sign me up! 

 

(Of course, at that time, living in rural Northern Illinois, there weren't a whole lot of Buddhists around.  But that's another story for another time. )

 

Getting Serious

 

I've discussed spirituality with lots of folks over the decades -- many of who were drawn to other spiritual traditions.  It seems there often was a similar dynamic. Whether seeking nirvana or heaven,  sat chit ananda or atonement, most were seeking some form of release from a painful, dissatisfying, confusing, seemingly meaningless, existence.  We were all looking for Light at the end of the tunnel.  Then, whatever our specific path, at a certain point we knew that we had to make a committed effort.  We get serious about it. 

Unfortunately, some of us then got deadly serious about it.  I, for one, know that I got way too fanatical about it.  I was on a mission to point how how serious our situation was on this planet, how important spiritual practice was.  It's all I wanted to talk about.  My friends used to hate to see me coming.  I could quickly squeeze the life out of any party. 

 

It wasn't until that "oh so serious"bubble burst with a quip and belly laugh (and a joint) that I began to lighten up again.  I saw clearly that what some folks call the Cosmic Joke was for real!  Sometimes, the wise crack is how the Light gets in!  A sense of humor is one of humanity's superpowers. 
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